The Repeating Dream

Free Spirit

I am flying through space, free and joyful. I look at my surroundings - stars, planets, galaxies, nebulas; there is beauty everywhere I look. I am a joyful explorer in the universe and can feel nothing but pure love in the journey.

I look down as I fly and see planets below me. I fly down for a closer look. My body tingles as I get closer. Seeing a large, colorful planet, I place my foot on it, as if a stepping stone, to see if I can balance there for a while. It feels wonderfully smooth, soft and pleasant beneath my feet so I look for another one to step on.

Ahead of me is a row of planets, laid out like a path of stones as far as I can see. Like stepping stones in a stream bed, I step to the next one, then the next. With each step the planets get smaller and smaller. Each one I step on becomes less comfortable and less beautiful under my feet. At first I am able to jump from one to another but as I move ahead they become sticky and impede my progress. I try to fly away but I'm trapped and can only move to the next one which is more sticky than the last.

I feel a sadness overtake me as I struggle to move on. Looking down I notice that the once beautiful planets are now a tarry black; sticky and molasses-like beneath my feet. I begin to cry for freedom as I pull with all of my energy to move to the next planet; this one even more black and sticky than the one before it. Turning back is not an option. For some reason I am prevented from doing so; I can only go forward to the next, more sticky planet.

My ability to be free and fly has been taken from me. My ability to be joyful has been removed. My ability to jump has been replaced with a struggle to take a step to the next trap beneath my feet.

As I fight my way to the next planet, I look up at the once beautiful stars. They begin to fade to black. The galaxies that once surrounded me are all but a memory. The beautifully colored nebulae can no longer be found. Space becomes cold and the blackness invades my spirit as sadness and desperation overtake me.

Now I can no longer move. I look down at my feet and watch as they slowly sink deeper and deeper into the inky black planet beneath me. I am getting smaller as I sink into this smothering tar I once bounced over. "Please help me!", I cry. But no one answers. As my face is engulfed by the gooey tar I wake up panicked and tearful. A once free, joyful being, now trapped by a heavier vibration.

I now must wait until tomorrow night to experience the freedom and joy again. For tomorrow I will once again have the same dream as I have had time and time again. A glimpse of joy, love, and happiness that reminds me of the desperation that surrounds my waking moments.

When can I return for real? If only the dreams were real and life were the nightmare I could wake up and feel the love, joy, and freedom forever.