The Morning After: Ode to Beer Goggles

Oh shit I need to quit my boozin' life!
The sun is up, I feel like I am dead.
I don't recall the details of last night,
so who the hell is next to me in bed?
Please tell me that with him I did not sleep!
I tend to wear beer goggles when I drink.
His back is curly, hairy like a sheep,
he's drooling on my pillow, and he stinks.
How will I live this down among my friends?
I'm sure they saw me leave with him in tow.
Last week I swore to them they'd seen the end-
of my wide reputation as a ho.

Oh god please grant me one more little chance
and have him think he kept it in his pants!