Starlight, Starbright (Parts IV and V)

Part IV
Mike - 2006

September 18th, 2006

I ring the doorbell and enter after Bridget opens the door. Still as dark as ever, she hasn't changed a bit since were sixteen... still wears black shirts and jeans. But she has grown more beautiful since then.

I present her with my gift, saying "Happy anniversary."

She smiles and says "Thanks."

She throws my gift upon the table as we sit, then she leans over, hugs me then bites my arm.

Years ago, she promised me that she would explain the symbolism behind her biting... but she never did, and I, being the immensely curious person that I am, keep wondering what it means... and her next words explain it all.

"It's time" she says.

She unbuttons her shirt, to reveal a black silk brassiere containing a lovely pair of fully developed breasts. My breath is coming quickly as I remove my shirt and throw it onto the floor with hers. She has difficulty removing her brassiere and I have to contain my laughter as I reach around to help her. After a minute I succeed and her brassiere joins our shirts on the floor.

She hugs me tightly and I squeeze back. She plays with my amulet for some reason, while I reach down to play with the button on her jeans. I look at her, seeking permission with my eyes. She nods and I undo the button. I pull them down and off... and see black silk again and smile. She knows how much I love black silk. I run my fingertips across them, loving the texture and loving the shivers that I am sending through her. She reaches down and pulls my pants off. I blush as I feel something spring loose. She giggles.

I sniff the air, smelling something odd... not bad, just odd. I look at her. It is her turn to blush. I embrace her and smile, then whisper to her "Do not worry... I will be gentle." She squeezes back and whispers "But I won't!" In a blaze of speed she pulls my boxes down, pulls her panties off and forces herself upon me... well "force" as much as you can force the willing. I groan in pleasure and I smile as I realize that I have finally lost my virginity... and to the woman I love more than anyone in the world. The feeling is so awesome as is the stimulation I receive as I start to thrust back. She begins to go insane, biting my lips, my earlobes and my face... even my hair. She leaves huge gouges and scratches in my arms and chest. I love it all. We scream together as we orgasm together and we lie sated together upon her couch. I gaze into her eyes, knowing that she loves me.

She looks into my eyes and asks me if I have any regrets.

"Not a one" I reply.

I've wanted her for years... all the years we were apart and finally I have her... my love... my angel. I fall asleep.

**********

September 20th, 2006

Bridget is upstairs with her mother and I am in the cafeteria of the hospital with Freya who said she wanted to see me today.

Bridget’s mother is dying and I think that she would want to be alone with her before the end.

"Oh Mike... it's awful." Freya says.

"What happened?"

"My mother... passed away just yesterday... and my boyfriend saw me crying... and he flipped out and left me, calling me a wuss. Said he was going back to Sudbury... he called me all these cruel names... it was terrible Mike."

I hold her in my arms and I then get the strangest feeling that I am being watched... but I ignore it. I kiss her, knowing that she needs me be loved right now... and that she needs me to be her friend, someone who she can talk to. She holds me tightly and kisses back. The feeling of being watched goes away.

**********

I see that she gets home safely, then go to my own house. As soon as I walk in, the phone rings. I pick it up and hear Bridget’s voice. She wants to know if I can come over. I say sure, knowing that her mom had died today and that she probably wants me to comfort her. I looked for her at the hospital, but she had already left I guess.

When I reach her apartment, I find the door open... and I think "What is going on here... she never leaves the door open, not even for me... I enter her apartment and, to my horror, I see her standing there with her sword, my gift to her, posed above her gut.

"You have betrayed me" she says, then plunges the sword into her guy.

I'm shocked... but I know that I must find a way to try and save my love.

I run to the phone and dial 911... get an ambulance moving... then I rush back to her side with tears in my eyes.

"How have I betrayed you? How can I betray you?" I sob "I love you! Oh, my love, my angel, what have I done?"

I hear her muttering and I lean closer to hear her better.

"Freya... you... kissing... hospital..."

Oh my God... she saw us. So that is why I felt that someone was looking at me. But what a terrible mistake she has made.

"But we are only friends... her boyfriend had just left her... and her mother had just died... she needed me and I was there for her.... oh why did you not ask, all of it could have been explained away!"

I hold her close and hear her start to sob... she begins to mutter.

"Mu.. Mike?"

"Shh... save your strength" I say.

"I lo... lo... love... yu.. yu... you."

She dies in my arms.

The ambulance arrives and the doctors try everything, but I know she is dead... and she never regains consciousness. I wander home, call Freya and tell her all that happened... and she says that she is sorry, then hangs up. When I try to call back, her father says that she went out.

I mope around the house, trying to distract myself, but my thoughts always return to Bridget... I love her, I should have told her that more than twice in three years... maybe she would not have killed herself then... why... why me, why her! Is there something I could have, should have, done to prevent this?

**********

After a day passes, I try calling Freya again, but her father says that she has gone missing now and do I know where she is? I hang up, knowing that she probably went away to settle her emotions.

My dreams are full of terrible, terrible things... and the worst part is that I remember them so clearly... in one I see Bridget’s face, covered in bloody, just staring at me accusingly... in another I am tormented by her spirit.

My guilt starts to take a terrible toll upon me... I barely eat or sleep.

Two days later, the police find Freyas body... her wrists flashed, in the forest where her and I used to go to meditate together, or just to speak of our problems. As I gaze upon the scene, I find a note addressed to me hidden in a tree branch.

Dear Michael

Knowing that I am at fault for your recent loss is something that I cannot live with. I hope that you understand that I cannot live with my guilt. Know that you have always had my love... and that I wish you a happy life.

Love
Freya

I stop eating completely after that... I sink deeper and deeper into my madness... what did I do to deserve this? I seek out Juliana, in hopes of finding comfort... perhaps she can make me see the reason behind like and all of my suffering.

**********

September 24th, 2003

I cry in Juliana’s arms as I tell her of all the things I have done. She holds me tightly, my face pressed between her breasts. She really is beautiful, though she doesn't think so. Symmetric and proportioned and almost tomboyish... just like Bridget. I love her slight plumpness. She holds me tightly as my tears soak her shirt.

"Mike... do you want to... I mean?"

My tears have turned her white shirt transparent and I gasp as I notice that she isn't wearing a bra... and that she has great breasts.

She holds me with one hand she pulls off her shirt with the other, then she takes my hand and puts it on her crotch.

I'm so depressed that I go along with it, merely wanting human company. I'm so obsessed with wanting to be loved again that I do not understand the love and compassion that I see in her eyes.

I undo the button on her pants and pull them down... to reveal black velvet. I smile... I love velvet more than I love silk. I pull them off and shove three fingers into her. She gives a deep moan and plays with her nipples as I start to use my tongue. Then I take off my clothes and plunge deep inside her with my hard member. She screams.

She bounces up and down on the couch, loving every minute of it, as am I.

Finally we orgasm together, or at least, so close as makes no difference.

"I love you Bridget" is all that I could say before passing out.

**********

September 30th, 2003

"Yah, that's right, spank me harder Mike!" she shouts.

We were engaged in our usual activities... for in the days since Bridget’s death, I had found another reason to live for...

And I was loving it... until it hit me.

I had abandoned my honour... I was fucking her and did I love her? Maybe... but is that why I'm here? No! I'm here because it feels good! What have I done! I run out of her room like a bat out of hell. It was too high a price to pay. I run, crying, into my house and upstairs to my room, where I begin to write a letter.

Oh, what have I done? What have I become? Where did I go wrong?

What forced me to become this person that I despise... nothing of course. But I regret my terrible, terrible sins and pray that, through my death, may I find forgiveness for my sins, or at least the peace that I deserve. There is nothing left for me in this world.. nothing except death, darkness and painful memories

Michael Munro.

I reread the words which I have written. "Life really has become bleak and dark for me" I think. My dreams are naught but nightmares... and my waking hours are worse. I cannot live with what I have done to my loves... yet only a month ago, I was the happiest man on the planet... but that doesn't matter now, does it. I place my letter in an envelope and seal it. I walk over to my bed. My room was my sanctuary from the cruel world, yet it is not as one would picture the room of a nineteen year old. Normally, their rooms are full of sports posters and super models. My room is full of dragons and green. Why green? Green symbolizes nature, to me, which is both beautiful and deadly, but always chaotic... like my angel was. I look around and gaze longingly at the pictures of my three loves. Life has claimed all three of them... as life will now claim me.

With their images in my heart and head, I pray that there is indeed an after life, be it heaven of hell. I pull from beneath my bed, my dead and beloved Bridget’s last gift to me... an authentic, gothic short sword. She had an identical one, and I cry as I remember the last time that I saw hers. I place my amulet, which has hung from my neck since I was sixteen, upon my note in its envelope and, steeling myself for the pain, plunge the sword into my heart.



**********



Part V
Juliana - 2006

September 24th, 2006

Mike cries in my arms. His story is so sad and so touching, I know that I need to make him feel loved.

In honest truth, I've always love him... I lied when I told him there was no spark between us. But he'd always been with someone else... or trying to be at least. I never had the courage to ask him out, but I was always hoping that he would one day... and now here he is, in my arms.

I try to think of a way I can make him feel loved... and decide that the most direct way is the best way... I try to ask him, but the words just don't want to come out... so I take off my shirt. I'm not wearing a bra because I'm at home and Mike being here is something of a surprise. I see that Mike is a little bit nervous, so I take his hand in mine and place it on the crotch of my jeans.

I'm so happy when he starts to undo the button. Finally, a sweet, caring guy who's also into sex... my perfect man.

He pulls my jeans down and he smiles mysteriously as he sees black velvet. He runs his fingertips across them and my spine shivers as I enjoy the feeling.

He pulls them off and I feel his fingers pressing me in just the right manner. I moan and I begin to play with my nipples. I love him so much... this feels so much better with someone I'm in love with. The feeling intensifies as he begins to use his tongue. I love it all and I've never felt closer to someone that at this moment. Finally, he takes off his clothing, revealing the body of somebody who has recently lost a lot of weight. But I don't care about that, all I know is that I love him. He plunges deep inside me and I scream in pleasure.

I bounce up and down on the couch, until we orgasm together.

His last words before passing out are "I love you Bridget."

I forgive him for that... he's gone through a traumatic experience recently.

I fall asleep wondering where this new relationship will go. I hope that it lasts forever.

**********

September 30th, 2006

"Yah, that’s right, spank me harder Mike." I shout.

We are exploring one of our shared kinks... bondage and spanking, and I'm really enjoying it.

I've always been too scared to try this with my previous boyfriends... I worry that they'll go to far.. but I know that Mike won't. I trust him and I know that he loves me, as I love him.

Suddenly, he stops and runs out of the room crying. I'm curious... he's never done this before... but the fact that I'm tied to a bed makes it hard for me to follow him... oh well, he'll be back soon.

Hours pass, and still no sign of him.

My mother comes in, has a few laughs at my expense, then unties me. She's the greatest mother, she has no problem with me having sex... even kinky sex. I rub my wrists and look at the clock while I get dressed... close to midnight. Where could Mike have gone to? Maybe he just needs some time alone. I fall asleep on my bed.

**********

October 1st, 2006

I hear about Mike's suicide today and I begin to cry. Why hadn't I told him? I did love him, I always have, but he'd always been with someone else... Bridget. And, from his letter, I could figure out why he had killed himself... because of what we had done... if only I had told him how much I loved him, perhaps he would still be here... if only I had showed it somehow, perhaps he would still be with me.

I'm going to move out of my parents house tomorrow to a place in Boston. Maybe there I can forget about this terrible tragedy... and also about my love for him.

**********

October 1st, 2007

I look into the mirror and I hate the person I see there... what have I become?

My life is meaningless now... after Mike, none of the relationships I had had any meaning... it was all about the sex... I can tell the difference.

I sit and begin to write...

Dear Mike

I know that you will never read this... for you are gone. But I want you to know that I love you... and I hope that, if there is an afterlife, we will meet each other there.

Juliana

I take a can of spray paint and write on the walls.

"I have seen true love, I know what it is and I know that I will never again find it."

I enter my bathroom, lie in the bathtub and, using a razor blade, slit my wrists open. I think about Mike... and then there is only blackness.



**********



Epilogue

The world keeps on turning, the lives of people continue... and, somewhere out there, a girl raises that rhyme that all children learn at one point or another.

Starlight, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight

I wish for someone to love

And so the world turns... and all we can do is hold on tight to those we love and never lose hope... for life can change at any moment, to take them or to bless you with them.