The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Him

Good-byes are always hard. And Sarah knew this one was going to be especially difficult for her. But she knew she had to do it, it had been deciding when and how that she had struggled with. She had known for weeks that it was time, but just like with every other "obsession" she'd ever had, she hadn't been able to walk away without knowing she had exhausted every possible way to get what she wanted. Until today.

There had just been so many emotions to deal with, and then there was the baggage that couldn't seem to find its way to the right airport. Love should be an asset in your life, not a burden to carry on your shoulders. When it begins to drain the life out of you, it's time to set the bags down and walk away.

But the thought of being alone again had seemed to be heavier to Sarah than the weight of carrying all Sam's emotional baggage. And so she had put it off. Hoping beyond hope that he would come to realize how much he cared about her and allow himself to feel good about being with her.

She hadn't been looking for marriage and wasn't even sure she would have been able to give up enough of her independence to live under the same roof with someone. She had told him that when they met, but Sam had been told that before, and he wasn't ready to trust anyone else who claimed they weren't after his money or possessions.

Sarah had known Sam cared for her and considered her a good friend, even without the sex. But he had told her from the beginning "who" he was looking for and, even though they enjoyed each other's company and always had fun when they were together, she wasn't the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. There were things about her that hadn't measured up to the woman he had been searching for.

The hardest part of the past five months for Sarah had been knowing that she WAS the woman Sam was looking for. She knew that keeping him in the dark was no different from lying to him, but she also knew she couldn't tell him as long as he felt there was someone better out there for him. She needed to know Sam loved her, no matter what, before she could tell him the truth.

Looking at her computer screen, reading his words, Sarah knew that he DID love her but she also knew that he would never admit that to her. Even now, he was talking again about his "elusive butterfly." The woman he would spend the rest of his life with. The woman who was as financially secure as he was. The woman he wouldn't have to take care of.




Sarah had gone to close her account at one of the premiere cyber-dating services and decided to take one more look around before she did. She wasn't sure why because she had met one jerk after another. Men with the emotional qualities of a 14 year girl. If she had been in her early twenties, she would have expected that. But being in her early fifties, and meeting men even ten years older than her, Sarah was genuinely surprised at how stunted they were in that area.

She searched through all the same faces she had seen so many times before and even smiled when she saw familiar faces of men she had either talked to or met. Bruce, it seems, had preferred meeting women who were content with having sex online, ONLY. And Tom had jumped the gun, having emailed her a picture of his penis after only two online conversations. Too bad, she thought. Giggling to herself, she remembered it would have been a nice penis to get to know.

She looked through the rest of the faces, most of whom, she thought, should have used pictures other than the ones taken when they entered prison or joined the underground militia. Sarah's priority had never been on what she "looked" at but rather on what was inside. A man could have a "few extra" pounds and be bald as an eagle, as long as what was inside was genuine and REAL.

She pulled up one more page to search before going to her account page and signing out. And there he was, half way down the page. Sarah looked at the face, but noticed the smile. It looked real. Content. Not "slapped on" just for the picture or contrived to try to impress someone. A genuine smile on what appeared to be a genuine face.

Sarah clicked on his name and began reading his profile. He was the right age, five years older than her. And the right height. Being only five feet tall herself, Sarah preferred men who were on the "short" side, yet tall enough to look up to. All his statistics, likes and dislikes, were similar to hers. There were a few things that were not compatible, none of which were "deal breakers" for her though. The only "problem" she could foresee was the 100 mile distance between them, but after reading the words he had written to describe himself and the woman he wanted to meet, somehow, miles didn't seem to be an obstacle that couldn't be jumped over. She clicked on the "wink" button and didn't delete her account.

Instead she went to create another account on another server. She never gave her main account to anyone she met there. It was easier to come up with a fake name at another site so when things went sour she could just "disappear." Having done that, she went to check her email. Seeing an email from the dating service she clicked it open. She read the usual "This member is interested in you" email from them and scrolled down to the section where they passed on a message from the member, and there he was. Already. She read the short answer to her "wink" and smiled.

He really did sound nice. Her only problem now, was the fact that she hadn't renewed her subscription and couldn't email him back. O well. At least he had been interested enough to write, even without Sarah putting a picture up at the service. He did ask for one in the email though. Understandable. Sarah hadn't even looked at profiles without pictures, which as it turned out didn't matter anyway. No one put up recent pictures of themselves. But she wouldn't have answered a wink without one either. He said he liked what he read in her profile and if she sent a photo, he would like to talk with her. He signed the email "Sam."

She read the email once more, smiled, and thought "It was nice meeting you, Sam." And then remembering her lunch date with a friend, Sarah closed the email, saved it, and got offline.

That evening Sarah went online to check her mail and there was another email from Sam. She quickly clicked it open and read it. "I thought maybe since I didn't hear from you today, that you weren't subscribed at the service anymore and aren't able to answer me there. So I'm enclosing my outside email address. I hope they let it go through. hahaha If you want, you can email me there and send me an address I can write to you at. Have a good night. Sam"

She immediately went to her new account on the other server and answered his email. She told him a little more about herself, but not everything, and apologized for not having a picture readily available to send him. She used the "a girl can't be too careful" excuse when in reality the only current pictures she had of herself she wasn't prepared to show to him at this stage of their relationship.

Sarah sent the email to Sam and sat there trying not to be too excited. She started wondering just how soon he would show his true colors and how long it might take before she had to delete this account and disappear again. Only three minutes passed when her mailbox showed a new email. Sarah clicked her inbox and there was an another email from him. "He must be online," she thought.

She opened and read it. Because of what he had written, she then did something she hadn't done with any of the other men she had met at the dating service. She went to her main account, opened her buddy list, added his name and watched as he appeared "online" in her list.

She hit the IM button and when the window came up, typed "Hi Sam! It's Sarah!" And so began five months of the most incredible emotional roller coaster ride Sarah had ever taken.


They talked for hours that first night, asking questions and getting to know each other in more depth than what could be written in a profile. There were a lot of LOLs and ROFLs. They both had a good sense of humor and Sarah was glad that she didn't have to explain any of her witty comments to Sam. He knew exactly when to laugh every time. It wasn't until hours later when they ended their conversation with ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))), that Sarah realized Sam hadn't brought up the subject of sex. She smiled, thinking "Well, that's a first!" Most of the other men had brought up sex within the first five minutes!! She went to bed that night with a warm feeling and a positive outlook for what the upcoming days might bring.

Over the next two days, Sam and Sarah talked online six or seven times, each time becoming more and more excited about the blossoming friendship between them. Sarah still had not sent any pictures and when he brought it up again on the third morning, she told him she'd see what she could do about it.

When they signed off, Sarah called a friend and asked if she could come over and have her take a few pictures. It was a gorgeous end-of-the-summer day. Still pretty warm but with a nice breeze and not a cloud in the powder blue sky overhead. She stopped at the drugstore on the way and purchased one of those disposable cameras and headed over to her friend's house.

She wore her favorite pair of beat up jeans and a little cotton top. Showing some skin, but tasteful so as not to send the wrong impression. It took her friend almost three hours to use the whole roll of film and then Sarah dropped it at the drug store to get it developed and put on a CD for her computer. An hour later she picked it up, went home and slid it into the CD drawer and opened the file.

Of course, she hated every one of them. But there were a few that weren't as bad as the rest, so Sarah chose those and downloaded them into a new file. By this time it was pretty late in the evening and Sarah wanted Sam to get them that night. She went online and seeing that he wasn't there, proceeded to copy the file into an email and sent it off to him. And then held her breath waiting for him to sign on.

She didn't wait too long before Sam came online. An immediate "Hi Munchkin" came up on the screen in the IM window. They talked for a while and, obviously looking through his email while they were talking, Sam asked "Hey! You giving up already?" Sarah smiled, remembering she had written the word "DONE!!!!!" in the subject line of her email. "The pictures are "DONE," Silly!!," she replied. Knowing that the empty IM screen meant he was opening the email and "looking" at her for the first time made Sarah nervous. She really wanted to meet this man, but if he didn't like what he saw in the pictures, she knew that wouldn't be happening.

Sam seemed to be taking forever, though it was probably, in reality, only a few minutes before he IMed, "I don't know what you were worried about!! I'm happy with who I'm looking at!!!" "You sure?" Sarah asked. "Yeah...what a good Birthday present!" Sam answered! Sarah looked at the screen and then looked at the clock. It was 11:52PM. She smiled and typed "It's your Birthday today? Happy Birthday, Sam!!!" and then added, "In eight minutes you can say the same to me!!!" And they both felt that this was the best Birthday either one of them had seen in a longggggg time! Sam was "walking on water" and Sarah was "floating in the clouds"!!

And then Sam asked if she would give him her number and get offline. It would be their first "offline" encounter and Sarah was nervous about that. Sam asked if she was ready for it. He said sometimes things aren't the same after "talking" online. "Well, as long as you don't sound like a woman hahaha," she said. So Sarah gave Sam the number, they said "bye" and signed off.

Within moments the phone rang. Sarah's hand shook as she hit the talk button and said "Hi." She smiled as she listened to Sam sing "Happy Birthday" and then they spoke the first words to each other. She could feel him sinking in the water as her head slowly descended out of the clouds!

They decided to end the call and then went back online to talk some more. What had just happened? How could such a connection be "lost" by hearing someone's voice? They talked for an hour more but the "sparkle" was missing from this conversation. They still sent ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) before signing off but clearly both of them had been disappointed that night.

Sarah laid in bed that night and determined after hours of tossing and turning that she wasn't quite ready to give up yet. She had believed from the start of this that there was a reason she had searched one last time at the dating service. And if Sam would agree to it, she wanted to make sure she wasn't walking away from the best thing that ever happened to her before they had even met!


They continued talking online and after one or two days returned to the comfortable bantering they had exchanged before the phone call. After two more weeks of talking to each other, and countless more LOLs and ROFLs, they started wondering if their reaction to the phone call had been a bit silly and overrated. Maybe they were both just nervous and afraid of getting hurt or being disappointed one more time by someone. At any rate, they decided they wanted to meet face to face, regardless of what the outcome might be.

For whatever reason, going against all the advice of experts, family and friends, they decided she would come to his house and spend a couple of days getting to know each other better. They IMed for hours, planning a fun, yet simple, visit that included dinners, a movie, showing her the sites and spending time at the beach walking and talking. They both left the appropriate information with people who would come and find their bodies, if need be, and at 10AM on the agreed day, she rang his doorbell.

When she looked at his face, her first thought was "This could be the brother of the man I saw online but it's not exactly the face of the man whose pictures I saw." His face looked older with lines and creases that were not visible in his pictures. And his "toned and athletic" build had a bit of a belly sitting out in front of it. This was not the "Sam" Sarah had pictured in her mind from the pictures and online conversations she had with him. But she had never been the type of woman who put "perfection" ahead of substance. Sarah was more concerned to find out if the man she had been talking to and laughing with online was inside the man she now stood looking at.

They said their "Hellos," hugged, in a friendly way, and then Sam showed her around his home. He was extremely proud of it, having designed and helped with the construction of it. It was a magnificent house and she was indeed impressed with what he had accomplished.

It was a beautiful day and Sarah was relieved when Sam suggested they take a walk on the beach. They had touched many times during the tour, and being here with him was awakening desires in Sarah that she hadn't felt in years. Online they had discussed the possibility of sex for the past week and they agreed there would be no "bedroom activity" during her visit unless they both knew they wanted to meet again. Despite the agreement, Sarah had found it difficult to be this close to Sam. There was an intense sexual tone between them and she was more than happy to jump in his truck and ride over to the lake with him.

They walked on the beach for about an hour or so and talked about various subjects. Trying to get lost in their conversations and deliberately trying to ignore the stirrings inside her, Sarah was realizing that she felt a definite attraction to the man she was with. She was having a hard time "reading" Sam's thoughts but felt a definite reserve on his part. Had she been able to see inside him she would have seen the wall going up, brick by brick.

Despite what Sarah thought she felt at the beach with Sam, within moments of returning to his house they were in the bedroom. In fact they couldn't get there fast enough. And for both of them the sex was wonderful! Long and exploratory...playful yet sensuous. There was definitely a good sexual chemistry between them. And she was hoping that afterwards he would be less reserved and more like the Sam she spent so much time with online.

Afterwards, they went outside and took a long leisurely walk around his neighborhood. She felt oddly serene and relaxed as they walked and talked, laughing with each other as they had so many times online. They walked up his driveway and sat in the chairs on his porch and continued discussing interesting times in their lives; sharing important details about families and friends.

They hadn't been talking very long before Sam started handing her the baggage, piece by piece. They had discussed their past relationships countless times in their online conversations. Why they were alone. What had happened. How long since they'd been with anyone. And why they were ready to be with someone new. Sarah thought they had exhausted that issue on many occasions, but was satisfied that they were both ready to start new relationships without too much baggage.

But she found herself listening as Sam spoke of what he had lost and how much he wanted it back. She sat in stunned silence, watching his face as he talked and thought that an ice cold shower couldn't possibly have any worse effect on her than this conversation. Sarah's mind was reeling, barely hearing Sam as he told her that he was still in love with this woman and that he knew he could never love anyone else that way.

Had she just been intimate with a man who wasn't even emotionally ready to be with another woman? Had she just given herself to someone who had known when he took her in his arms that he wasn't interested in her for any kind of relationship? Had she allowed herself to become involved with yet another emotionally stunted man? You betcha, by golly!!!!!

Even though instinctually she felt the need to grab her overnight bag and run ASAP, she didn't. After all, they were friends before they became "lovers" and Sarah, strangely, felt herself drawn into the conversation. Asking Sam questions, pulling his emotions to the surface and trying to understand her own feelings toward this man. She felt compassion toward his broken soul. And despite the fact that she had resolved to never do it again, Sarah knew that the challenge to "rescue" him was being set before her. The conversation ended with Sam looking warmly at his new friend, saying, "That was then. This is now. Let's go have dinner."

They spent the evening talking over the wonderful dinner he prepared, going to a late movie and having sex 3 more times. In the morning they had Cappuccino, along with a very good breakfast, watched the news on Foxx and had sex again.

Sarah could feel that Sam was becoming uncomfortable and decided to end the visit earlier than planned. She was in her car driving home before she actually started allowing herself to breathe and asked herself if she had totally lost her mind!!! Again!!!

When she went online later that day, there was an email from Sam telling her that even though he had a wonderful time with her, he knew he could never be with her in any sort of long term relationship. The chemistry just wasn't there for him. His polite way of saying he hadn't "felt the earth move." Sarah reread the email, confused and disappointed that he had broken the promise about "no future-no sex."

She answered his email with her usual understanding and compassion. She jokingly told Sam that she hadn't felt the earth move either, even though it had "shifted" a bit for her, but really enjoyed the friendship and the sex. The challenge was still strong in her as she stated that it was too bad they couldn't just enjoy each other's company once in a while. Sarah wasn't ready to give up yet, and left the "suggestion" of a casual relationship, no strings attached, in Sam's hands. And so dawned the relationship that they jokingly referred to as "Friends With Benefits."

They spent the next few months with her driving north every week for two days. And they always had a ball together. The sex was wonderful, but the friendship also blossomed and they genuinely enjoyed spending time together doing anything from cleaning or yard work to shopping and going on walks in the neighborhood or at the beach. They shared a lot with each other...their dreams, their disappointments, their hearts and their souls. They had become VERY good friends with benefits.

Sarah couldn't pin point the exact time when she noticed that there was a shift in the relationship. But it was shortly after his trip to his son's for Christmas, that she knew Sam was going to screw things up. He started questioning things about her, giving her the impression that he didn't trust things she told him. He started putting limits on the time they spent together and even started making her sleep in another room when she visited, supposedly because her snoring kept him up all night.

Within a few weeks she started noticing that he was blocking her online. Cyber-hiding. When they did talk, it wasn't the fun bantering back & forth, filled with LOLs and hahahas. Their conversations had been reduced to discussions about the weather, his broken snow blower, or how much he had saved on his new bedroom set. Sam eliminated the nick names he had always called Sarah, and the ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) were never there after "Good Night" anymore! Just "Bye!!!" Their fun, sexy conversations only occurred when he was in the mood. Sarah's attempts at getting a conversation headed in that direction, otherwise, were followed by comments concerning the sun, snow, or temperature.

Sarah had tried countless times to get Sam to open up and talk about what was going on with them. She suspected that he was "seeing" someone new online that had peaked his interest. She wasn't really prepared to hear what he had to say when he finally admitted that things were different. Even though he was still looking, there wasn't anyone else, yet. What Sam told her was that he had been feeling "guilty" and "immoral" about their relationship. He said he felt like he was using Sarah for sex because he was still actively looking for his "perfect" partner. Ah, yes, the "elusive butterfly."

Sam told Sarah he knew there would come a day when he couldn't see her anymore, and he didn't want to hurt her when it was time to say good-bye. Sarah had a problem believing this explanation. When they had decided to keep seeing each other, the agreement had been on a day by day basis, for both of them. Until one or both of them met the love of their lives, they would continue to have a physical relationship and be good friends. Hadn't the relationship worked for them up until this point? So what had changed?

Sarah thought back over the past few months. How the relationship had grown. How he was asking her to stay longer than the usual 36 hour visits every week. How he had started talking about them going out with his friends sometime, instead of keeping to themselves all the time. How he included her in his holiday visits to his children's homes via the Internet. And the many discussions they had about sharing a "winter" place down south someday and living side by side in a duplex.

Sarah knew the change wasn't because she had fallen in love with him, as he was now telling her. Sam had known how she felt for a long time. What he wasn't telling her was that he was falling in love with her. He couldn't admit that to her or to himself, because he didn't WANT to fall in love with her. He didn't want Sarah to be the "love of his life." He didn't want her to be the woman he had been searching for.

She had talked little about her work, but from what she had said Sam had deduced that she wasn't earning a lot of money. Even though she, apparently, was more than capable of taking care of herself financially, he had suspected her income was very low. She had never asked him for anything in the way of finances and the few times he even offered to pay for her gas, she politely refused. Nonetheless, Sam had obviously placed her in the category of a "needy dependent."

She knew physically she wasn't what he was looking for either. Though she took very good care of herself and had the body of a 25 year old, she didn't look 35 in her face. That was mostly because she wasn't 35, but also because she had lived a life, not only full of joy, but also full of pain. Grief generally showed on the faces of people in their 50s. He had the same look on his face, but men in their infinite wisdom, see that as "old" on a woman's face instead of "character." In other words, if who they looked at while lying in bed was old, that's a rude awakening to the fact that they also were old. Sam was no exception.

Sam had fantasized about the woman he wanted to spend his last remaining years with, and to him, Sarah was not that woman. And yet she had been able to break through the brick wall. She had touched his heart and his soul. She had made him laugh and feel safe. She had become his "best friend and lover." And that scared the shit out of him. Because he didn't want HER, Sam wanted his "elusive butterfly." He wanted that "walking on water" experience he had felt before with the woman who had walked out on him. Sarah thought about how sad it was that someone in his sixties had learned so little about life and love in all those years.



Sarah sat staring at her PC screen, knowing in her heart that he was pushing her away and pulling himself back because he had done the big "No-No" and allowed her to penetrate him. Knowing that recently Sam had decided he wasn't going to allow himself to be stuck with someone for the rest of his life who didn't fit his criteria. Though it hurt like hell, she tried not to take it personally because she knew no one ever would ever fit the mold he had fashioned in his head of the perfect woman.

Sam would have other relationships with other women just like he had done all his life. Each one of them would have a flaw that he couldn't overlook because he KNEW what he wanted. Sadly, though, he had no idea what he NEEDED. One thing Sarah did know, though, was a wealthy woman would have a better chance at even a relationship like theirs, than one who was not financially secure. She somehow knew, that even with all her other flaws, Sam would've been happy in this relationship if she had been a "woman of means." Sad!

She looked back at the screen, reading his words. "OK, Sarah, if you're sure you want to continue this. I guess I need to stop feeling guilty and start doing this day by day. I just don't want to hurt you." "Sam," she answered, " I went into this relationship knowing that we would say good-bye. Yes, I'd miss you, but I don't want to lose today because of what may happen tomorrow." Their conversation continued and they agreed that they would keep seeing each other, despite how he claimed he felt.

The conversation lightened up and they talked about their next visit together. Sarah's fingers typed witty answers to his questions about her day, as she was continued copying her files from the screen name she used with him and transferring them to her new screen name. But she knew it would take about a week to get everything transferred over, so when they said "Talk with you later. Bye!" she hit the set up button in her buddy list and blocked the name she had been smiling at the sight of for five months. She knew she was walking away from the best thing that ever happened to him.

Sarah closed the notebook sitting on her lap and stared out at the Caribbean. She made a mental note to send Sam one last email, including in it the pictures she had been reluctant to share with him five months ago. After all he deserved some form of explanation when she "disappeared" and she smiled, knowing he would always wish she hadn't "explained." Maybe she would send one of her photos taken at the banquet where she was presented her "Woman of the Year" award, decked out in her $500,000 Versace evening gown. And of course, she would have to send him pictures of her gorgeous beach villa, where she had been on many occasions when they were talking online. And of course she would have to include copies of the articles written about the string of hotels she owned all over the world. She had always thought it was amusing how Sam had assumed that her vague statements about her extremely wealthy customers in the hotel, meant she worked behind the counter making reservations and taking payments.

How blessed Sarah now felt that her business had been so successful years ago and had afforded her the ability to retire at the age of fifty, an extremely wealthy woman. But finding love and happiness with a man who loved her for herself and not for her financial assets had always been one of the prices she had to pay for it. Even now though, Sarah smiled as she sat there on the beach soaking up the warm sunshine and feeling the ocean breeze on her body. At least having all of this made it easier every time she had to delete another gold digger from her computer and her life.