Silence On The Line

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Silence On The Line


Paul eyed the dusty payphone suspiciously, like a man fearful of an apparently docile snake. In the end, after much awkward maneuvering he found himself in the confines of the clear phone booth and reaching upwards he picked up the receiver. The rattle of the coins sounded almost ominous to him as he forced them through the narrow slot. There was a nearly inaudible click before the impatience of the dial tone resumed. Paul sighed before glancing around at his surroundings for only the second time since he’d arrived. Nothing had changed, the bus station was still filthy, the people still dull and painfully uninteresting. Then again Paul couldn’t imagine that he looked all that great either. He pressed the coin return button absentmindedly as he thought back over the past four months.

He’d had his last match in San Diego, a dive of a place where half the people were drunk and had no idea who he was and the other half were stone sober and still didn’t know who he was. It was a long way to fall. A long way from headlining in The Garden, from being on the cover of magazines and being known simply as “The Game”. He’d been fighting a guy who’s name he couldn’t even recall now. Some overweight looser who’d gotten into the business about 10 years too late. Some clumsy, thoughtless, careless piece of crap who’d-

A loud car horn across the street caught his attention, momentarily pausing his thoughts. A chintzy strip mall lay just over two narrow pieces of highway, it seemed to be about all this place had to offer. Well he supposed that was about all you could expect from small town Arizona. A glance at his watch told him time was getting late; he’d have to make a decision soon about where he was headed. There were two choices, two buses; one headed north, one headed south.

Paul reinserted the coins, waited for the click, the dial tone and then began to enter the phone number. Though he hadn’t dialed it in at least a year he of course knew it by wrote. Things like that you just don’t even forget. Before he’d entered the last number a scowling woman drifted past the spotty window of the phone booth. She looked at him with sullen impatience and he quickly punched in the final number. Narrowing her eyes the woman walked away.

He heard the ringing through the ear piece and imagined what was happening on the other end of the line. Paul readjusted his position in the tiny booth and groaned in discomfort before stilling. The rings seem to stretch on forever and for a scant moment he thought about hanging up. Why bother calling at all? Why not just show up, flowers, wine, the whole Honey-I’m-home! bit. Of course then what kind of welcome would he get? Probably just the kind he deserved.

“Hello?” a voice on the other end responded catching Paul abruptly off guard. He melted as he heard the familiar tone; just that one word was enough. One word from this man and Paul’s homesickness became overpowering. He remembered now why he hadn’t called before.

“Hello?” the voice asked again in confusion.

“It’s me, hon.” Paul finally managed, alarmed at how his voice cracked. He stopped short, which was exactly what he hadn’t wanted to do. He didn’t want to give Dwayne a chance to say anything at least not yet. He tried to summon forth what little charm still remained within him and launched into an unrehearsed speech. “Goddamn it’s good to hear your voice. I- I’m so sorry that it’s taken me so long to talk to you again. But if it still means anything to you, if it still matters...I’m done with the ring. I’m finished; I’m through playing the superstar. Which I suppose is convenient since everyone stopped playing along with me a few years back.” Paul joked and chuckled lightly, there was no reciprocating sound on the other end, barely even breathing. He put his palm against the filthy glass of the booth trying to gather his strength as he pressed on. “I’m scared to ask, I don’t even know if I have the right to ask but...I want to-“ he stopped that wasn’t the way at all. “I want to come home.”

There was silence on the line and in those long heartbeats Paul waited for his fate to be decided.

“Paul.” Dwayne breathed. “You sure did take your time.”

Paul rolled that sentence around in his mind for a moment, examining every intonation trying to figure out just what it meant.

“I know.”

“No, no you don’t know. You don’t have any idea.” Dwayne paused for a beat. “Where are you?”

“I’m at a bus station. I wasn’t just going to show up. I wanted to call you first, see how things were going.”

There was a burst of laughter on the other end of the phone. But it wasn’t the melodious laugh Paul remembered, it was mirthless and bitter.

“How things are going? Gee Paul, things are just swell. How’s by you?”

This wasn’t going at all how he’d hoped; he needed to try a different approach.

“I’m glad I caught you at home. Well, actually, I’m glad you kept the home. I didn’t know if you’d sell it or what.”

“It’s our house.” Dwayne said simply. “We bought it together, I don’t have any intention of getting rid of it, I just didn’t expect to be here alone.”

“How is Colorado?”

Dwayne snickered, genuinely this time. “The altitude alone is enough to make me pass out every time I step out the front door.”

“Yeah,” Paul said smiling. “You never did handle that well. You were sick as a dog when we first got there.”

“Are we strolling down memory lane?” Dwayne asked suddenly.

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“Then let’s just cut to the chase alright? How long Paul? How long would you stay this time? I’m 45 years old but some days I feel about twice that. I don’t have the energy for this back and forth anymore. The fighting, the waiting, the trying to make myself more important to you than the business.”

Paul was silent as he listened but Dwayne’s defeated tone disturbed him, especially since he knew he was responsible for putting it there.

“I made my money and my peace with that life a long time ago.” He continued. “I got out and all I wanted was to live the rest of my life in peaceful obscurity with you. I got out, baby, and I thought you were right behind me.”

“I know but, it’s...it was hard to give up.”

“Not for me. I’d have given up anything for you. I came to fucking Colorado for you because you wanted a place where all you’d see is sky. Never mind that that thought scared me to death. Never mind that I found this place barren and almost oppressive. I followed you. I buried “The Rock” six feet deep and I never looked back.”

“And I love you for that, I do.”

“But what did it get me. Years of being here in this big empty house alone. Having the two things that I feared the most happen to me. Getting old alone and losing you.”

“You didn’t lose me.” Paul insisted and his voice rose in desperation for the first time in the conversation. “I’m here, I’m right here and if you’ll have me, I’ll come home right now. I’m right here stuck in the limbo of this goddamn train station; I’ve got two choices and Colorado’s just a bus ride away.”

“What’s your other choice?”

Paul smirked; “From here, Mexico, actually.”

“You hate Mexico.”

“I know.”

“So, how did your last show go?”

Paul frowned. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Jeez I keep forgetting they won’t even let you use your name anymore. Vince, God rest him still has his claws sunk into the “Triple H” copyright even from beyond.”

“I really don’t want to talk about that.” Paul reiterated. “I want to talk about you. Your beautiful face, your skin... the way it used to feel when you’d-“ Paul closed his eyes at the memory, it was one of his favorites and had it been a photograph it would have been worn to tatters years ago. It was just one day out of thousands they had spent together. Actually the day had just been a continuation of the night before. Raucous lovemaking, gorging themselves on obscenely rich food, more sex, oversleeping until late in the afternoon in one another’s arms and incurring a hefty fine, a minor suspension and the wrath of the aforementioned Mr. McMahon. It had been glorious, if he’d known what lay ahead he would have begged every god that had a name to just freeze that day and allow him to relive it again and again till the end of his days.

“I have gray hair now.” Dwayne said interrupting his reverie. “Can you believe it?”

Paul laughed at this sudden revelation.

“Really?”

“Well of course it isn’t all gray, just one or two but I nearly had a heart attack when I looked in the mirror.”

“Yeah I know the feeling.” Paul said with a smile. “So, what you’re saying is I’m going to be coming home to an old man.”

He realized the assumption implied by his choice of words was risky but he had to chance it. He was running out of both nerve and time.

“Yeah I guess you will be.” Dwayne said softly but firmly.

Paul felt his heart clench in his chest, now that what he had been too afraid to even wish for had happened he could scarcely believe it. It was only after a few moments when he realized he hadn’t taken a breath in and that there was still one thing left to be done.

This too needed to be delivered in a rush. Paul was fearful he might say too much or worse yet nothing at all if he was given too much time to think about it. And Dwayne neither needed nor deserved anymore surprises.

“Dwayne, there is just one more thing.”

What is it?” he asked skeptically.

“I’ve got someone here with me. Someone who wised up about this business about the same time I did. You know him, he’s an old pro, just like us. He’s even got a couple of stories about the old days. Locker room stuff, some of the jokes we used to tell, the ribs. It’s just like old times. He’s got a hell of a lot of shit he remembers about the two of us. He really knew how to work the ropes; they used to call him something special. But umm... a little while back he had an accident and uh...he can’t walk anymore. I was thinking that he’s never been to Colorado and I just don’t think its right to leave a man behind.”

“He’s there with you now?” Dwayne asked and Paul could imagine him scrunching up his face the way he didn’t when he was concerned or considering something.

Paul glanced back over his shoulder hastily. “He’s right here. And I want to bring him home to you but I thought I’d better ask you first.”

Again there was silence on the line. Then Dwayne spoke again.

“Bring him home to do what Paul? I don’t mean to be selfish and I feel bad for the guy but this is our time. You spent 10 years after the WWE working in dives, touring the indy circuit, getting your head and your body busted open for little pay and no respect, all because you felt you had to. I spent 10 years waiting for you to come to your senses. Now you finally have, I’m about to get what I want and you spring this. And I don’t want this.”

“Maybe if we just gave it a shot-.“ Paul tried.

“What we would he do here? Sure we have the room but one of us would basically have to tend him for the better part of the day. He’s got no family, no friends?”

“He doesn’t have anyone.” Paul said softly.

Dwayne was silent for a moment and Paul imagined him mulling it over.

“I’m sorry, but if you’re asking me my answer is no. I want our time. I want my time with you, alone. I’d be perfectly willing to loan him, hell give him some money if he needed it to get a place for himself. I’d never forget one of our own, especially one that ended up so miserably. But...no, I don’t want him here.”

Paul sighed deeply and closed his eyes against a headache that suddenly began to creep across his temples.

“Okay.” He finally said. It was true after all, a person like that wouldn’t be any good to anyone. Not anymore. They would just get in the way. He’d gotten his answer, there was nothing left to do but-

“Paul?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Come home.”

Paul laughed softly into the phone, absorbing the warm tone of his lost lover’s voice.

“When should I expect you?” Dwayne pressed.

“Expect me...expect me when you see me.” Paul supplied. He was rewarded with light laughter. Not just laughter that was easy and gentle but laughter that for the first time in a very long time seemed to lack a heavy burden.

“Okay then.” Dwayne said suddenly. “Maybe there’s hope for us after all. I love you.” He said his tone serious, this time it was his voice that cracked.

“I love you more.” Paul said before returning the phone to its cradle.

He sighed again.

He was ready to walk out of the phone booth but when he tried to move his legs he of course got no response.

How easy it was to forget. They were just phantoms now, appendages that would never be useful again. Jolted again back to the reality of the situation he placed his hands on either side of the narrow tires and wheeled himself backwards. Once he’d cleared the small hump at the entrance of the phone booth he felt better. His latest fear was that one day he just might tip over and Christ, then what would he do? Helpless, just laying there like a turtle flipped onto its shell. He was still trying to get the hang of the damn thing after all. It’s not like the hospital had given him lessons or anything. And it was hard, so very hard to get used to moving so slowly.

Like he’d said; A long way to fall.

There was no sense in ruminating over this though. Crying was, after all, just for kids. It was better for them both this way. He had plenty of regrets in his life, what was one more?

“Ma’am,” he said to the scowling woman. “It’s all yours.”

He wheeled himself out of her path and spotted the bus driver. He was going to need some help. He’d learned in just this short time it was always best to tell them your situation first, that way you weren’t such a problem, such a burden.

He looked wistfully at the bus marked Colorado as in his chair he moved away from it.

Maybe there’s hope for us after all.

Paul did have hopes.

He hoped this driver would be kind, that maybe there’d be space for him somewhere in the back.

He hoped Dwayne would understand in time and that he wouldn’t wait for very long.

And he hoped the weather would be nice in Mexico.