Chapter 1 - Girl Without A Face

I lay on the pavement hurt and bleeding. My jaw was shattered. My chin, nose and cheek bones were crushed. The vehicle I had been riding in moments earlier lay perched on top of me. I couldn't turn my head so I had to watch helplessly as the life force drained from the broken body of my mother who lay a hundred feet away.

She died instantly. The coroner's report later read. That was a lie! "At least she didn't suffer." Friends would say to comfort me, but I knew the truth. I alone had watched as her body jerked uncontrollably and twitched in agony before she died.

"No, no, no!" I said, hitting my head on the pillow of my bed, in my own private form of self hypnosis. "I will not dream of this tonight. Think happy thoughts. Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of your life." I snuggled back into bed and went to sleep.

I woke up alert and refreshed. It was a day unlike any other. Today would change my life. The wind was blowing gently through the trees. The sun was shining and I heard birds singing when I woke up. It had been a long time since I enjoyed the sound of birds singing or any of the beauty in nature.

Yes, today would be special, all right and different from all the others. I could just feel it. I had a job interview and I felt really good about it. I had spoken to Mr. Adams several times by phone. I could tell he was impressed with me. If things worked out I would have a new home.

This would be our first face to face meeting. I wondered, as I got dressed if I should put a red dot on my forehead, pretend to be from India and refuse to remove my veil. I had the right coloring for it. Or should I be my normal self-willed stubborn self and force people to give me the common courtesy due any normal human being.

I blushed and covered my eyes with my hand as I remembered the last time some rude woman had stared at my scares, and made rude comments. "Take a picture it lasts longer!" I’d boldly told her. I was trying to embarrass her of course, but I only ended up embarrassing myself.

I was the girl without a face. I longed to be like everybody else. Unfortunately, I wasn’t normal. Sometimes I wasn’t even sure that I was human any longer. No, that was just my depression talking. Of course I was human…with a human heart, human feelings...so many feelings.

Oh, who was I kidding? I could never show my face anywhere in public without my veil. I thought as I tied on my sarong and secured the veil to my face. Perhaps I should move to that country then I would fit in a little better. Then I wouldn’t have to live the lie. Then I wouldn’t have to constantly explain and endure “the look”. I thought about that for a moment then said “No Way” to myself. I could never become a teacher there.

"Okay, ace this interview. Get this job. You can do it." I said to my reflection in the mirror. My reflection nodded to me. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood. I whistled as I went to the address in the ad.

The interview went much the same as always. "Miss Walker, you have excellent credentials and very impressive references." I smiled my thanks. "However, there’s nothing on your resume to indicate that you are from a foreign country." He observed, noticing my attire. "You don’t’ look Indian and you speak perfect english, without a trace of an accent." He paused. My turn to confirm or deny.

"No, I’m not from India. I was born here. I…I may be thinking of converting to Islam."


"Really?"

"No, sir, that's not why I dress this way. It was just a joke. I was being sarcastic. I’m sorry."

"Oh, I see. Most people try to impress a potential employer, but I see you have a style of your own."

"I’m really sorry." I said quickly. Mr. Adams laughed.

"This time I was being sarcastic."

"Good one, sir."

"Forgive me for asking about that thing…but a man must be careful of what kind of person he brings into his home. You understand."

"This is an equal opportunity state, is it not? Are you prejudiced against people from India? Mr. Adams."

"No, of course not! Now don’t go putting words in my mouth, Miss Walker. It’s just that…well, I wouldn’t want the children exposed to…I mean influenced by…look here, young lady, you’re twisting my meaning." Mr. Adams replied nervously, getting on the defensive.

"Exposure of different cultures would provide an excellent learning experience for your children. I told him. It would help broaden their minds, expand their horizons."

"I know that!" Mr. Adams replied and then frowned. "Do you always dress that way?" I raised an eyebrow. "I mean…do you have other clothes to wear…regular clothes?"

"Yes, I do. I’ll even be willing to wear a uniform to work if you would prefer it."

"That won’t be necessary, but for heaven’s sake get rid of that ridiculous veil!

"I’m sorry, Mr. Adams, I will wear normal clothes, if you like, but I cannot stop wearing this veil."

"Why on earth not! Don't you want the job?"

"I do, but you must understand that if you want me, the veil comes too. For medical reasons I must always wear my veil. I can never take it off."

"Listen, Miss Walker, if you work for me, I won’t allow any of this foolishness. All kidding aside. You can’t wear that thing. You’ll frighten the children and I simply won’t have it!"

"I don’t mean any disrespect, sir, but I’d frighten them even more if I removed the veil. It’s been part of my life for a while now. You see, I’ve been in a disfiguring accident, which has left certain shall we say facial d…d. (I refused to say deformities) differences." I stuttered out.

"What kind of differences?"

"Scars."

"I see." He said and looked closely at me. He was trying to see them. I deduced.

"Sir, would you like to see the scars?"

"No…I was just thinking…If you’ve been in an accident, haven’t you ever heard of plastic surgery? I was wondering why you haven't had it done."

"Yes, sir. I’ve had several surgeries in fact but they didn’t work. I mean they worked some but…I must keep my face covered. The world is not ready to accept my appearance."

"Maybe you just haven’t found the right doctor. I know a few surgeons…"

"No! Thank you so much, but I have a doctor. He is familiar with my case and I’m still under the doctor’s care. He says I’m fit to work and he thinks it can even be therapeutic for me."

"Then why on earth don’t you have another surgery done so you won’t have to wear that thing?" He wanted to know. I groped for an answer but found none. "Listen, I know some of the best plastic surgeons in the country or even in the world...I’m aware they come at a cost. If it’s a matter of money, there are certain grants and charities that specialize in helping those less fortunate."

"It’s not the money, sir. My insurance company is still covering my medical expenses. However as I’ve explained. I have had several surgeries, without success. The deform…scars are still there."

"Exactly what type of scars are we talking about?"

Boy was he asking for it. I thought. I should just show him, but that would dispel any hope of me landing this job. I expelled a breath and said to myself. So today was supposed to be different, huh. I put my hand on the veil. Then I said, no. He didn’t deserve that. He had a right to ask questions. I had an obligation to answer them.

"Mr. Adams, I know my condition, shall we say calls for an adjustment, but won’t you at least give me a try? I’m an excellent teacher. You won’t find anyone with my credentials willing to work for this price. True, I admit that this veil takes a little getting used to, but after a while you forget it’s there. I’m sorry, but I can’t take this off." I said tears, springing into my eyes. "Ever! However, if it bothers you to hire someone who is not perfect…then I completely understand and this interview should be called to an end right now before I waste any more of your time." I stood to leave but Mr. Adam’s said.

"No, wait a minute! I didn’t mean to be crude. I’m sorry if I offended you in any way. I apologize, Ms. Walker. I tell you what I will do. I will give you a weeks trial. If after that time I find that I simply cannot get used to that…that veil. You’ll have to be let go. Do you understand?" .

"Yes, Mr. Adams." I said, shaking his hand. "Thank you, sir. You won’t be disappointed, sir. I’m great with children. You’ll see. I won’t let you down."

"See that you don’t." He said and pushed a button on his desk and a woman came in. She smiled warmly at him and he returned her look.

"Maggie, this is Miss Walker, Angelica. Miss Walker, this is Maggie, my housekeeper and right arm." He said, looking lovingly at her.

"Hello, Maggie, nice to meet you." I said extending my hand in friendship. She ignored my offered hand.

"Mr. Adams, I told you that we didn’t need an 'au pair' for the children. I am quite capable…" Maggie began.

"I know that, Maggie, but you have enough to do just taking care of the house. This is for your benefit." Mr. Adams explained. Maggie lowered her eyes and smiled.

"What’s with the outfit, sir?" Maggie asked, gesturing toward the veil.

"Yes, that. Miss Walker will continue to wear her veil. I’ve given her my approval to do so. She has one week to prove that it’s not a distraction." I stood motionless not knowing what to do.

"Angelica, Maggie will show you to your room and later you can meet your charges, Patricia and Randy." Mr. Adams said to me.

"Yes, sir." I said and followed Maggie out of the room. I had been dismissed. I knew.

Click to go to "Chapter 2 - Meeting My Charges" 
Or here to go to "The Veil"   by Magdalena