Aunt Matilda (From Red Creek)

It's a time I truly detest
absolutely my least favorite week
I hate my monthly visit with
Aunt Matilda from Red Creek

I always know when she's coming
her train painfully rumbles down my tracks
when it does I race right out to the store
and buy up all of their snacks

"Get my chocolate! Get my salt!"
she screams, as she busts down my door
she's looking like a female Rambo
decked out and ready for war!

Immediately she starts running amok
kicking down chairs - smashing my table
then stopping only just long enough
to cry at a Lifetime movie on cable

Next thing you know she starts channeling
the Wicked Witch from the West
"I'll get you - my prettyyyyyy!"
Now I have zits? Holy sh*t, she's possessed!

"You make me insane, you cramp my style,
and now everyone around me's in a panic!"
"Who cares?" she replied, "Half the fun in this game
comes from making you completely manic!!"

I stormed and I shouted, "But Aunt Matilda!
Just look at this disaster you uncorked!!"
She said, "Be grateful and settle in for the week;
it was either ME or that damnable stork!!!"