Silence of I Do

I hadn’t noticed the silence, I don’t know when it came.
Like a cold winter's blast it left all the unspoken words
Hanging there, an icicle suddenly frozen in space.
When did it all stop, where were we?

Maybe on a sun-dappled Saturday morning
As we held our first cup of coffee of the day,
Smelling the aroma of fresh brew until our senses overloaded.

Perhaps one evening, when we both came home
Dog tired, brains fried with lips numb
From all that corporate ass kissing we do so well.

How many rainbows have passed us by?
How many chances to laugh, make love, to touch,
As we expertly built our walls, blocking words
That might make us actually feel.

It's an ominous silence that may have once
Been quieting, making us feel safe and righteous,
But now screams louder than the words themselves.
Its constant thunder is deafening to the heart.

Words that once held passion of anger or lust,
Also could be tender and loving, kind and constructive.
They once kept me secure in the knowledge
I was loved, I mattered, I was real.

Argue? We never argue, never disagree.
We just don’t speak, we hold our tongues
And bite back our emotions

I watch you as you stand shaving, muttering as you go.
Wiping fog from the mirror, as if your life
Depended on the clarity of your view.
Spindly bird legs looming beneath your pot belly,
More pronounced from the tightness of your fruit of the looms.

The body once taut and proud, now droops from
Overindulgence, age and the sheer force of gravity.
I could still love you as you are, if I still knew you.
I wonder how many times you’ve thought the same of me,
Or If you ever hear it…..the nothingness.

I wanted to speak but what was there to say?
That damned silence again, when did it come?
Why did we believe it would bring us comfort?
I try to remember all the reasons I’m still here.
The memories? Maybe.......
Although its been a long while.

The kids are grown, all gone on to bigger and better things.
My hope for them is that they will never know
A world devoid of speech, of expression.
How it crushes your Spirit, your emotions, your life.

I guess we should talk again,
I will have to find the words to speak.
After all, you deserve to hear, to know....
I’m leaving you.