The Faman

A long time ago, I mean, millions and millions of years ago, there were 3 humans on the entire planet. Now, this was before the supposed Adam & Eve. Forever before then. There was a man, a woman, and a faman. The faman was a necessary ingredient for reproduction. Without it, the man & woman could have as much sex as they wanted, and still end up with no children. The men and women of the population much enjoyed this. And, like now, got distracted from the families they created, and the only thing on anyone’s mind was sex, sex, sex.

The famen felt very left out. As much as they enjoyed sex also, they decided to teach men & women a lesson. They ran away. Every single one. To another island not so far away, but to the simple minds of the day, too far away to travel.

The famen signed a pact to stay there, and not one could go back. They resolved to kill off the human population. Starting with them. And although the famen would miss sex, it’s not like they had a lot in the first place.

With their minds not overly distracted, they quickly became the smartest creatures on the planet. The smartest one reached the God level, and got to leave this planet to go live in the stars.

Finally the last faman died. The men and women were dying also. In their old age they had lost all competence and interest in sex, and were bored. They wanted children to lavish gifts with – just for something to do. But, the youngest person was 40 years old, and a hermit.

They could not figure out what they had done to deserve this. The wisest (which wasn’t very wise) said that whatever their discretions were, they had to now pay for them with the only thing they'd always have - their blood. No one could really think for themselves, and they mindlessly believed him. They started torturing the youngest of their population, believing that it was their fault they had no children. But when no newborns showed up, the people began to doubt the wise man’s saying.

But they didn't know what else they could do, so they didn't stop offering blood to whatever god they were offering to. They didn't even know. As more and more of their people died, and no babies were born, they started to raelly panic. Suicide became their number one hobby, when they ran out of family members to murder.

Eventually that's all it became - a contest to see who could live the longest and kill the most people. It was not long before a population of two or three million dwindled to 100.

The God Faman felt sorry for the men & women who really had no idea what they were doing. Chee (because the famen are netiher "he" nor "she"- they must be "chee") sent one faman to restore the human population. That resulted in 25 babies. With careful planning, the faman told the others, Your population won’t die out. But this is the last time we’re gonna save your ass.

The God Faman had decided to give humans the gift of reproduction, without them knowing it. Since they never had intercouse anyway, it didn’t matter. Chee was sure they’d tell their babies that sex was bad and it didn’t work.

Chis plan backfired. The population boomed.


The God Faman had finally finished counting all the stars hanging on chis bedroom wall, and was bored. God Faman also felt bad, because the famen killed themselves off, just to teach men and women a lesson they didn't learn. Chee imagined all the famen that could have been alive all these years, but weren't because of the previous famen's aroogance. So the God Faman decided to give humanity the third gender back.

When the God Faman re-introduced the famen, chee also took away women's fertility and gave it back to the famen, like it was in the beginning of the world.

Men and women of the planet had become ignorant and arrogant, and did not welcome the mutations in their babies. What were these genitals they had never seen? They feared an alien attack.

The men and women thought the aliens were trying to kill them off so they could have the planet. They did not realize that their "mutated" babies (which they killed anyway) would have to grow up before any more babies could be born. As a last dying, desperate move, they did everything they could to destroy the planet.

The God Faman finally gave up on these fools. Die? They want to die? Let them die. Chee gave up chis god status, and went to join the rest of the dead famen, to spend time with people who had brains.

Screw humanity.