Torrents - Chapter 4 - Revised

Chapter 4


The sudden coolness outside announced the winter season. Fortunately not as cold as the north but indeed the season that Rachel and her family look forward to in order to get together again.
“Have you picked the date for this year’s party?” John Paul, her son, asked Rachel. His dark rimmed blue eyes looked at his mother as she walked into the living room dressed in jeans and a pink sweater while holding the guest list.
“Yes, it will be on the 26th. I already invited everyone right after Thanksgiving,” said Rachel as John Paul’s five foot ten inches stood by her. He looked so much like David, lean, brown hair, thin but well-shaped lips over his light complexion.
“Has anyone confirmed yet?”
“Most of them have,” she said quickly looking at her list.
“How about Michael?” John Paul asked. “Did he confirm?”
John Paul’s questions startled Rachel. Michael was usually on their guest list, but it had been a while since he’d spent Christmas with them.
“No, I believe he was going on a cruise; at least that was what Neil told me.” Rachel gave Neil, her associate, all of Michael’s deals. “He mentioned about not being able to sign a contract they had pending because of it.”
“I wanted to speak to him about his business and get some ideas to start something on my own after I finish college.” John Paul admired Michael as a business man and possible mentor.
“I’m not sure if he’ll be able to make it, but I did send him an invitation,” said Rachel as their last encounter flashed through her mind.
“Well, you let me know if there is anything I need to get for you, okay?” said John Paul quickly walking out of the living room towards his room.
“I’ll let you know as soon everyone confirms.”

The party preparations didn’t distract Rachel from her interior struggles, there was something missing in her life and she felt the urgency to go on a different direction. This really scared her, since change always brings some pain.
‘How could this happen, I am so stupid.’ she thought stumping her feet ‘I need to gain control of my being; these ups and downs are not good for me.’
“Are you okay, Rachel?” asked Maria seeing how unsettled she was.
“I don’t know. My mind is just going in twenty different directions.”
“And your heart is on the opposite side,” Maria sighed, “I think I know what’s wrong.”
“You do? Then please tell me.”
Maria had been with her for so long, ever since the twins were born. For Rachel she was more than a maid, she was a motherly figure and a friend.
“There is a time in every woman’s life in which she must define herself. It is the time in which after she had completed her responsibilities with her children, she has the opportunity to think again about herself.”
“Really? And I thought I was being selfish.”
“By the time our kids become teenagers, we start thinking back on our own lives. Then they go to college and we find ourselves alone, even if we are married,” she paused. “And then the moment of truth comes, the moment in which we must dig deep inside and find who we really are, what we want and how are we going to live our life if we want to be happy.”
“So that’s it, I’ve been doing that. So far I’ve changed a few things.”
“But you are fighting not to change others,” said Maria.
Rachel looked at Maria surprised. Maria didn’t have that long braided gray hair for nothing. She was very wise.
“I know what you are trying to do, and it’s useless. You not only are going to make yourself miserable, but everyone around you also. You need to stop giving and learn to receive for a change.”
Rachel said nothing, unsure of what she was listening to. Did Maria really know what was going on in her heart? But why not, it wasn’t hard to guess and she had seen her and Michael together.
“Listen to me Rachel,” said Maria holding her hands and looking her intently “you can’t stop love.”
As Maria left her to her thoughts she felt the need to speak yet, to one more person, Melissa. Now more than ever she needed her counsel.
Rachel picked up the phone and quickly dialed her number.
“Melissa, it’s Rachel,” Rachel’s voice trembled as she spoke.
“What’s wrong Rachel?” said Melissa concerned about her friend.
“It’s just one of those days.”
“You miss him?” she asked hearing depression in Rachel’s voice.
“Yes, I can still feel the strength and warmth of his lips on mine and I long to feel them again.”
Rachel confided to Melissa her feelings for Michael and how she was denying herself for fear of her children and society.
“Perhaps that’s the reason why,” commented Melissa “your desire for that moment is in your mind and you relive it over and over again.”
“You know something? It’s what keeps me going even when he is no longer here. I think of him and dream about him. We make love. I want to hear his voice most of all,” said Rachel as her body reacted to her very thoughts.
“This is dangerous Rachel. You are starting to live in a fantasy world.”
“It is a wonderful place until I wake up and find out it’s all a dream,” said Rachel disappointed that it couldn’t become a reality.
“It’s not letting you go on with your life!” Melissa shook her head as she heard her friend desperate attempt to stay away from Michael.
“I feel bad for not letting Michael know why I can’t talk or see him again. But he is a smart man; he knows what’s going on”
“Doesn’t make things easier, does it?”
“No, but I don’t have a choice.” She responded wiping the tears from her eyes. “I guess I just needed to let this out. I’m feeling better now.”
”But for how long Rachel? What’s going to happen with you?” Melissa finally sat on the couch.
“I have no idea, I must continue with my life the way it is.”
“Just know that I am always here for you sister.”
“Thanks Melissa, I knew I could count on you,” said Rachel more relaxed this time. “Have you done your Christmas’ shopping yet?”
“No way.”
“Then let’s meet at the mall Friday,” she paused “six o’clock?”
“Sure, I’ll see you there.”
She hanged up the receiver and continued thinking. What made Rachel mad was how this whole obsession with Michael began and how it was taking over her mind. To consider a relationship with him was out of the question, she would have to go against a lot of people. But she fell in love with him, he was like an addiction, and she felt she would be drawn to him for the rest of her life.