November 13, 2004

November 13. My birthday. Joy. Whatever. It's not the same. Nothing's the same. Everything seems like it does, year after year, so right. But it's so wrong. Something's missing.

I can't place it. It scares me. Something doesn't feel right. A piece missing? I know one thing that's missing. My father. I love him. He won't be here to celebrate with me. I miss him. He wished me a happy birthday yesterday, he said he'd call today. I don't know if he will.

Something else, besides my father. Someone maybe? Am I missing someone in my life? Yes. I am. Who? I don't know. I need to know. Something's missing.

I feel the emptiness. I cry as I write this. It hurts. This missing piece. It hurts. Tears come and they won't stop. Damn them. Tears show the weakness I hold inside. Damn them.

Something is missing. I dread it. I wish to know what it is. Maybe it's just someone I know. Someone needs to be there. A missing piece in the puzzle. It's missing. I can't find it. I'm hopeless without it. Help me find it.

Damn the tears. Find the piece. Missing those who can't be here with me. Damn the mysteries, damn the pain. Forget it all, remember only those happy times. Forget all the sad times, where something was missing.

Something doesn't feel right. Something's missing. I need to find it. Help me find it...