I Was Waiting

Two little noses pressed against the window,
Glazed eyes, sore from staring down the path,
I was waiting, knowing your mother wasn’t coming,
I was experiencing tremendous wrath.

How dare she leave you bewildered, abandoned,
How could she treat you with such impunity?
Your mother had no intention of ever coming,
In blissful ignorance you’d a covering immunity.

My tantrums unperceived, whirling and dangerous,
If they didn't stay inside the boundaries of my head.
The contrast of emotions, you longing to see her appear,
Me, wickedly wishing I had to tell you she was dead!

I’d have found it an easier option for then I could
Have the explanation of her dying ready to give.
I hated her so much for hurting you, I believed,
If she were obliterated, then you could start to live.

She hadn’t far to come, lived ten minutes walk away,
There was no excuse, she just had to cross five roads.
I waited, taut as a bow string about to be plucked;
A usually gentle person, surprising how hate erodes.

I wished so much that I could save you from the hurt,
I wanted to hold you both tightly, and protect you
I felt guilty and powerless; you deserved so much better,
I could not make the sun shine, the lies come true.

I, as a mother, could never understand her behaviour,
Did your mother know the hurt she caused? She ought’a
Suffer as much as you, be made to do some punishment,
My precious foster son and foster daughter,

How could she bear to miss watching you both grow?
For her desertion of you was a truly terrible crime,
I waited beside you; the truth dawned, I watched your lips tremble,
Eyes fill, shoulders shudder; you both cried for a long time.