Mixed up Memories

Memories of him
Will drive me crazy.
They're all so dim
But it's all I see.

It gets in my way,
There's no way around it,
For it controls what I say,
I want to forget it.

I'm grabbing for stability,
My arms slow from waving;
The thing I need's the ability,
Now my heart is caving.

Breathing is becoming hard,
It used to be rutene;
It is starting to bombard
On my wishful thinking.

This confusion that I speak in fear
Has been planted here to stay,
I never want it close or near,
But it wont go away.

I'm reaching out to you
To help me break the ties,
Hoping that it might be true
That you can stop the cries.

All I do is make
One wish on all the stars,
Praying that they can take
My confusion to afar.

Never do I want to see
That, even in my dreams;
Maybe you can help me
Patch up broken seams.