Like a sledgehammer...

“Crap! That jab almost hit me! What the hell, how was I supposed to know that this damned barman knew anything about fighting? He cursed my mother, damn, what was I supposed to do? Oh crap, he almost hit me again! This shithead knows boxing, that’s for sure! Oh shit, now he got me! My freakin’ nose is bleeding! What the hell? The moron is freakin’ laughing at me! Tyler, man, you can do better! Think! How the hell am I supposed to knock down this freaking gorilla? Oh crap he’s coming for me again! Think, man, think!”

Tyler starts to back off, when he feels a table behind him. Leaning backwards as if it would somehow protect him from the next blow, he accidentally feels a bottle atop the table.

“Aw yeah…”

Tyler picks up the bottle, hits the barman right on the left temple with it. The barman falls down, blood gushing from his temple and forehead.

“Damn, gotta love these Smirnoff bottles, they hit like goddam’ sledgehammers. I better run for it now, people have friends, and friends get upset when I hit people in the head with bottles. Yeah, like a goddam' sledgehammer…”

Tyler pushes his way out of the bar, and runs. He hears people shouting his name and running after him, but he hides in one of the alleys down the dirty street. His pursuers quickly give up, as Tyler sits down behind a dumpster. Trying to catch his breath, he feels his nose with his hand to be sure that it’s not broken. He hears a cell phone ringing.

“What the hell? I broke my cell phone last week… Wait, this is not mine. I better answer it.”

- Ummm, Yeah?

- Who the fuck is this? Gimme back my cell you little shit!

- Uhhh, sorry man, I have no idea of who you are or how I got your phone, tough luck!

- You fuckin’ jackass, if you don’t give it back, I’ll fuckin’ find you and fuckin’ kill your fuckin’ ass!

- Oh, please don’t, that would be most unpleasant for both of us! Gotta go now, catch you later!


Tyler turns off the cell phone. He is still trying to catch his breath in the dark alley, sitting behind the dumpster.

“Damn, that punch really messed with my head. Ah, whatever, I don’t care if I don’t remember where I’ve been in the past five or six hours. My life is a goddam’ bore anyways. So what now? It’s still 11 PM, what the hell am I supposed to do now? I could go back to the bar, maybe they’ll beat me so hard that I won’t remember even where I live…Yeah, that seems good enough…Wait a sec, I think someone is here… Has the good lord answered my prayers? Hah Freaking ironic…Someone is definitely here, I can hear some steps.”

- Come out Tyler, I know you’re there!

“He knows my name...or was that a lucky guess?”

“Definitely a lucky guess!”

- So who the hell are you? How did you guess my name?

- I saw you back in the bar. Everyone down there seems to know who you are. You know, they’re pretty pissed off. That barman had friends…

- Friends get pissed off when I hit people in the head with bottles.

- What?

- Never mind… What the hell do you want anyways?

The stranger sighs, looks down and says:

- I want you to beat the crap out me.

“Hmmm, I can certainly relate to that. What should I do? Damn, how about punching this poor sob? It’s what he wants anyway. I can’t even look at him, it’s so dark. It’d be like a drive through beating...”

- So Tyler, what about it?

- Why?

- Because.

- Well, that seems good enough for me!

“I need something to distract me, I’m starting to remember that I need to wake up tomorrow at 6. This is a god sent gift! Thank you god!”

Tyler runs towards the stranger, his fist coming in closely behind. But just as his punch is about to land in a solid blow to the jaw, the stranger sidesteps. Due to the momentum Tyler is unable to stop, and the stranger takes advantage of this by kicking Tyler’s abdomen. Tyler almost falls, as he swings to the right to look at his enemy.

- Hah, good one! You never said you’d be hitting back!

- Shut up man, I’ll teach you not to mess with my fuckin’ boyfriend!

- What? I’m straight, who the hell is your boyfriend? And what’s your goddam’ name?

- The barman, fool. If you run out of this alley, my other friends will beat you ‘till you are dead! And my name is not of your fucking business!

“I doubt he has any friends out there, how well can gay people be accepted in a biker bar? They obviously didn’t know that the hulking gorilla working as a barman was gay. Not that I have anything against homos, but other bikers do! I think… ah, who cares, I’m not going to run!”

- Okay then vengeful stranger, I will call you Ted okay?

“Heh, I’m very sarcastic today! Oops! I believe I have pissed him off, he has a switchblade! How cute! I’ll have to break his wrist!”

Ted, without saying a word, lunges forward. The blade is being held by his right hand, and his right arm is stretched towards Tyler’s chest.

- Hey Ted, I’m going to break your wrist now ok?

Tyler, using both hands, grabs Ted’s right wrist. Using his own back as leverage, Tyler throws Ted to the ground, and pins Ted by putting one knee against the elbow and another one against the face. Ted’s wrist is quickly snapped by Tyler, breaking in a muffled sound. The switchblade falls to the ground as Ted starts to moan uncontrollably, unable to scream with his face against the ground.

“I hate people who can’t take a beating, dammit. I’ll break his jaw, that ought to shut him up! I just need a good rock…no…not this one…Ah! Perfect!”

Lifting the fist-sized rock, Tyler starts to hammer Ted’s jaw. Ted quickly falls unconscious.

“Yeah, like a goddam' sledgehammer…”

Ted’s head lies in a pool of blood, shining in the dim moonlight. Tyler picks up the fallen switchblade, folds it and puts it in his pocket.

“I can’t even see his face…I bet it’s completely disfigured! Have I killed him? I hope not, it’s most unfortunate when such things happen. Ah whatever, I better get out of here now, I hate to linger around unconscious people for too long, especially when I might have killed them. They just seem so…helpless.”

As Tyler gets out of the alley, he sees three people leaning against the wall. Without thinking, Tyler punches the one closest to him in the temple and knees the second one in the stomach. Apparently they didn’t notice Tyler come out, and the farthest guy only notices Tyler when he head butts the first one in the nose. Before the third guy can do anything, Tyler has already kneed the second guy in the stomach again. The unscathed third person quickly lands a solid blow in Tyler’s jaw, but not before Tyler himself can kick the stranger’s groin. Tyler backs off as the stranger is trying to cope with the pain and, by lunging forward, Tyler elbows his enemy in the in the face. The three unknowns are fallen on the ground, somewhat unconscious.

- Just so you guys know, if I felt like it I could have broken your necks now! That’s mercy!

“Heh, I just hope these three were the friends that Ted mentioned. A mad gang of gay bikers, who would’ve thought?”

As he thinks about the bikers, Tyler quickly glances over his shoulder, to the bar, and sees no one.

“Well, there’s nobody there…and there are pink lights everywhere around it…What the hell? That’s a freaking gay bar! I should’ve known that it wasn’t a biker place when I saw no “steel horses” parked around it. The bar is called “Biker”, and there were some guys using leather outside! Ah, that explains why the barman got so mad when I said he was a catamite who would burn in hell (Hey, that’s a biker joke). Crap, maybe I should go apologize? They might be thinking I’m some mad Nazi.”

Tyler looks up to the moon, takes a deep breath and sighs.

“Who cares what they think about me anyways…I better find myself another bar.”

As Tyler is leaving, one of the three strangers gets up and pulls out a switchblade. Tyler quickly reaches into his pocket to get his newly acquired blade, but he cannot find it and pulls the cell phone out instead. As knife totting stranger runs towards Tyler, only one thing seems to be strategically effective: Tyler, with all his might, throws the cell phone against the stranger’s head. As the interloper is stunned, Tyler stomps his enemy’s head with all his strength. The foe falls to the ground, and Tyler continues to stomp the head. His boots quickly open a gash in the head, and blood gushes out. Sighing, Tyler stops and looks around, and picks his fallen switchblade. He walks away looking at the moon and grinning. A street light goes out, and Tyler has only one thought in his mind…

“Like a sledgehammer…”