winged ballerina

She didn't want to remember how she got there, and didn't know what she wanted to do, what she should do. The night air crawled through her clothes, circling, and caused her to shiver. That didn't make her turn back though. She was determined to take a walk to clear her mind. She had come so far and her destination was getting closer. She didn't know what it was, but she could feel it urgently tugging her forward like a magnet. She was attracted to something and nothing was going to get in the way. The moon was almost full, and hanging low in the sky. It could lead the way through the dark streets.
Sometimes she would slow down and look at the houses, trying to guess the unique sets of people in them. Each one held a different type of world than she was used to in it. She lusted after these people that she didn't know, wanting deperately to be apart of their lifes somehow, just to experience it.The good, the bad, and the unknown were her desires.
While trying to rememeber blocked memories, she was distracted when a light flickered on in a room of a house. She sat on a nearby curb and put her attention to the lighted room. Shadows could be seen. A head, with long cruly hair. She peered closer. Glasses of sin clicking together, promising a pretentious future to each other. A man and woman driven by passions and temptations of dreams that will eventually drift away. She saw them come closer to each other. They dissolved into one shadow, hands hungrily searching the other for ecstacy that was soon to come. She imagined that it was her, laying back on the lush, green, wet grass and licking her lips, tasting sweet desire. The man pressing himself against her and feeling the muscles contract. Prespiration bubbles on her forehead and she felt herself melting. She quickly opened her eys, her face burning. She shrugged off the feeling and laughed out loud. Her soft giggles pierced the silence.
She walked some more and her body soon began to feel weightless. Raindrops fell, slowly, splashing on the sea of concrete around her. Freshly painted toenails did paralets like a ballerina. Soon she got dizzy and started to gently sway with the beat of the raindrops. Passer-bys would've thought her to be a mad-woman. Men would've though of her as a delicious beauty. On the contrary, women would see her for a depressed paper doll, melting into shrivels by the rain, slowly destructing. Children, the ones with the most imagination of all, could see her opening her arms and flying away into the big expanse of black speckled with glittering diamonds. She was a graceful creature of the night. She was nothing less and nothing more than the people's concepts of her reality. Her nights lasted forever, a figment of an illusion, a lost soul hopelessly dancing her life away, trying to find answers. Innocence was lost as time slides by and slips into the cracks. Slowly, she winds down and gradually stops spinning, as she holds herself around the middle. Her thick, black hair hangs herself loosely about her shoulders. Her emerald green eyes widen as something dark, cold, and evil comes near her. Fear. She holds her breath and welcomes the dark embrace bravely. Danger excites and frightens her at the same time. She holds the darkness close to her as a sheild and like a blanket representing security, and not, at the same time. Something inside of her changes. A doll is what she looks like, a sad doll with intense green eyes and long, long lashes. Pale skin, almost paper- like. She could float away because she was so small. So delicate. Pink lips, pouty, waiting for the unexpected.
How much longer could she last living her life this way, pretending to be someone else because of not being able to recall one night from the next? She doesn't know anything about herself. It's unfair that others see through her fragile body, transparant like glass, revealing emotions and thoughts searched for so desperely and not being found. As time fades, a paper doll will soon decay. Suddenly, the skies open up and pour down her frusteration. Every drop brings memories like a flood.Every second from the past haunts her. Soon the pavementis a dark sea of her lonliness. She doesn't know how to swim and doesn't care. She is closer to the truth, the answers, than she has ever been. It wouldn't stop, but she had to know what was causing her pain. Her lungs are slowly drowning....almost there...so close....finally, she is swalled whole by the sea.
Then violently, the salty mixture of raindrops and tears are gone. They've been sucked away. There is a spotlight on her. Nothing is around, nobody can be seen lurking in the darkness. She stares into the stars, wishing on them to save her, she is finally ready. Then, the tiniest of flicks is heard in the distance. The ashes fall from the ciggerett (sp?) of a man that she could never forget. He grabs her shoulders and pushes her onto the ground. She lays there, lifeless, like many times before. But this time she takes her last breath and shatters into a million pieces, He will never get the satisfaction of feeding off her innocence anymore. She will never be a toy. Just emptiness is left now, just a void. She is gone, finally free from the chains he had around her. Now, she soars the sky like a glass fairy, a paper doll, a goddess immortal. She learned from her mistakes and grew wings. Silently wondering the streets is no longer how her time passes by. Instead, she is the sweet smell of seduction that sees thorns of hate stick from your heart as she watches you rip your soul apart to find answers that were never there. She watches, sadly, as you don't care. The beautiful, winged ballerina will take your hand and lead you there. And, as you die, she'll whisper and sing you a lullaby.