Ramblings About My Morning Commute

         Arizona State Route 51 runs for 15 miles through the city of Phoenix from the I-10 to the Loop 101. This is a big part of my daily trip to hell and back. Today was a typical day and some observations inspired me to write this story.

         Before I go too far, I have to confess that I myself was once an angry driver. I spent a lot of time on the road internalizing and cursing and gesturing from the supposedly safe confines of my vehicle. Now I am a very calm driver. Maybe too calm from other driver’s point of view. I attribute my reduction in angst and increase in patience to a combination of three things. Firstly, divorcing my first wife. Secondly, marrying my beloved Terri, and of course, the Prozac.

         Now, I figure I probably get to work 2 minutes later than I used to but I am calm and relaxed when I do arrive. I spend most of the time in my car singing along with my favorite CDs. I know people must look at me and think I am crazy. But that’s the benefit of having a mental illness; I can just act like myself. Ok, a few observations from a typical commute to work:

         I enter the 51 where it begins on the north end. Leaving the crowded Loop 101 to the empty expanse of the first mile of the 51 gives all drivers that feeling of hope we long for during rush hour. I quickly accelerate to 65 miles per hour and feel free and in control. Then the second mile hits and we are starting to crowd together. This is when the drivers around me start jockeying for position. I cautiously watch for the inevitable slowdown or possible stoppage that will come at Shea Blvd or Northern Avenue. If not there, then at the Glendale Ave/Lincoln Drive exit or at Bethany Home Road. The point being that I have driven this route for over two years and the traffic has always bottlenecked somewhere along the way. I assume the other drivers around me have had the same experiences, but they always seem to be anxious to get around me and my 65 MPH vehicle. I can't read their minds, but I figure it must go something like this: “I know the traffic has jammed on this road the last 257 times I have driven during rush hour, but maybe, just maybe, today is the day all will go well”. If you have a better explanation for this phenomenon, please share it with me.

         So yes, the traffic did slow to a creep and finally we came to the source of this morning’s frustration. Three cars were involved in a fender bender and had been moved to the side of the road. How unfortunate for these people although by the laws of physics we know that the bumper cars were caused by someone FOLLOWING TOO CLOSE TO STOP IN TIME. After everyone takes their turn staring to see if someone famous is involved or if maybe a big bag of money fell out onto the road, the traffic begins to move at a reasonable speed again. And not 15 seconds after this, what do you suppose happens? The car behind me decides he needs to make up for lost time and pulls up TOO CLOSE BEHIND ME TO STOP IN TIME, if necessary.

         This morning, after we have determined that Michael Jackson was NOT involved in the minor collision, a Honda Civic enters State Route 51 from Colter Avenue. At this point the Civic decides (notice how in my calm state, I blame the car and not the driver) to swerve into my lane without using its turn signal and proceeds to cut one lane to the left without using its turn signal. About a month ago my wife and I were at the Honda dealership buying a Civic for her and I noticed the Civic we bought is equipped with turn signals. Now understand, I wasn’t paying much attention to the transaction because I wasn’t going to get to drive the Civic much anyway, but I am pretty sure that turn signals come as standard equipment on the Honda Civic. I don’t think we paid extra. Can anyone help understand the difficulty of using a turn signal?

         I am not even going to get started on cell phones in cars. Ok, I did have one thought concerning those who are talking on their cell phone while testing how close they can come to the rear end of my car before my head explodes. Beings that I was in an especially positive mood this morning the one thought I had was that at least this person would be able to immediately report the so-called accident (don’t get me started) to somebody if he or she ended up ‘bumping’ into me.

         The end of the line for me is at McDowell Road, which is one mile short of the other end (or beginning) of State Route 51. My exit is coming up so I had better stop the story here. You wouldn’t believe the strange looks I get when I am typing on my laptop while driving to work.