Inside of Me

Today I turned on the television at work to see what the weather would be like tonight. Before I switched channels I found Oprah on. Now normally she can have interesting guests. Only this time it was a mother whose three year old had been molested by her boyfriend. When I realized what it was about, I hurried up and switched channels to find the weather. But it was too late. My happy mood went plummeting and I found myself anxious, angry and hurting inside.

You see I was hurt as a child and this was one of those times those old feelings came back to try and take me into victim mode. I found myself wanting to cry and I fought back the tears. I was at work and I did not want to look like I had lost it.

I decided I would call and process this with someone. I called my mom and she did not answer. I called my best friend and she did not answer. I called my life coach therapist and she did not answer. I did not call my DH because he was at work. So then I thought I am not feeling well at all and I am very exhausted. I wanted to cut and run. It's a behavior I learned to avoid facing things long ago. Then it dawned on me: I can stay and face this and handle it all by myself!

And that is just what I did. I read three magazines, I began reading Marianne Williamson's new book, "The Gift of Change", and I flipped the channels and found some nice music that was uplifting. I told myself I am okay. I called two friends and told them what happened. Two or three hours later, I realized I had self soothed the bad/sad mood away.

There are times I look up into the sky and wonder why He does things like this. Many times in my life I find myself going through crises alone and I think I need help. Then I realize I got help just exactly from where I needed it. He showed me where to find it...inside of me!