The old familiar pain!

Today I smiled
it was only a small one
but it still counts as a smile
Why?
I don't know
it was kinda weird
hard to explain the feeling that I got
since all I've ever felt is eternal pain

I even think that I saw a glimpse of hope
before it fell into the dark once again
but now I know it exists
I thought that I had lost it
but something is holding it captured
deep down, inside the abyss

I'm sure that I heard a voice telling me
to let go of the past, but then again, who am I?
just a freak, could have been anything
then the well known feeling came crawling back
like it was begging me to open up the gates of my heart
without a single attack
safely behind closed doors, it killed my smile
and killed my hope, then I heard the voice again
telling me that if I want the feeling gone
the body must let go of my soul