I don’t do it that much Just on occasion Occasions happen more frequently now Everyday an occasion I have a problem I know I have a problem You would think that the realization of this would stop it Realization is not sanity Realization does not cure my sickness My sickness is terminal Lying on my bathroom floor Cold and hard Beaten down by the enemy Bloodied by my unforeseen foe I stare unblinking into the bright lights I never noticed their beauty until this moment The only clarity in my mind Those lights Visual affirmation of life That my heart continues to beat All my muscles tighten all at once My back arches away form the floor No control My body hurls and throws I cry out in garbled gasps I cry for help Though I want all to keep away I scream in my head Lost in my own thoughts Unable to help myself The people I most love try desperately to help me They don’t know When I tell them to leave me alone They’re unaware They don’t know that this happens all the time That I don’t need an ambulance That no doctor need be called In time it will stop I’ll get up from the floor as if nothing has happened It’s life Not as it should be But as it is Life with my sickness |