another layer

Slowly I built
ever stronger
ever thicker
until all I have is me

me in a dark windowless room
noone can see me
noone can hear me
self contained in a neat little box

every day
every event
ever stronger
ever thicker

some days a little light makes it in
others not even a flicker
all alone in my box
where noone can reach me

I wonder what the weather is like outside my box
wonder if it's brighter out there
but all I can see is grey
a never ending rainy day, in my box

I am tired of the smell of damp cardboard
I am tired of the color grey
but for years this is all I have known
my inner child wants to be set free

how do I rip down these walls
the pretty yellow pill only makes the walls seem like they aren't there
but I can still feel them
I know they are around me

some days that is my only strength
knowing that I am safe within
knowing that I am still in my box
but I long to smell the spring breezes

I have to learn how to breath again
learn how to tear all this down
It took years and tears to build them up
how do I now liberate myself

Within my walls
I know I am safe
but I am sick of being safe
I want to live an adventure

here I am
all alone as always
in my dark box
searching in vain for the boxcutter I know that I hid in here, so long ago