Freewrites: A Problem and a Solution

Free writes: a Problem and a Solution


Free writes are a threat to world safety. Free writes threaten to undermine global security in a variety of ways. Free writing supports and encourages environmental destruction, global warming, child labor, and most importantly: terrorism. I’m sure you’re asking yourself what kind of twisted person could even find a remote connection between any of these topics. I will show you that my argument is logical and sane.

What re the two basic necessities of free writing? You need a pen and paper. Let us focus on the paper for the time being, more on the pen will follow. It is common knowledge that paper comes from trees. You have to kill trees to free write. It is also common knowledge that cutting down trees is not good for the environment. You can now see how free writing is linked to environmental destruction. My notebook says it was made in Brazil. There are a whole lot of trees in Brazil.

A large portion of the Amazon rainforest is situated in Brazil. I think I can safely infer that that the paper in my notebook came from the Amazon rainforest. Scientific studies have linked the destruction of the rainforests to a rise in carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere. CO2 has been linked to the Greenhouse Effect. The Greenhouse Effect causes the earth to become artificially warm, thus, global warming. I think it is safe to say free writing encourages and even enhances global warming. What if your notebook was made in China? Well, that a whole different ballgame.

There is a common labor method used in China called the sweatshop. Sweatshops are staffed by children. Common practice in sweatshops is to have young children work twelve or more hours a day for only pennies per hour. Buying the products these sweatshops produce only encourages this shady activity. Free writing requires paper. Don’t buy notebooks made in China. This supports child labor.

That takes care of the paper issue. But don’t think I’ve forgotten about pens. Hold on just a minute. As you can see paper is really an evil thing. Using more paper for free writing threatens to destroy the world and exploit our children. But this hails in comparison with the threat posed by pens. Pens could bring about death and destruction never before heard of upon the face of our planet. Pens are the real harbinger of doom. Pens are made from plastic. Plastic is a petroleum product. Petroleum comes mainly from the Middle East. As we all know much of the world terrorism comes from the Middle East. Middle Eastern governments are notorious for supporting terrorism with oil revenues. The more pens we use the more money the terrorists get. The more money the terrorists have banked, the greater threat they pose to world freedom. If we continue to free write terrorist bank accounts will only continue to grow. I think it is a wise idea to keep money away from the terrorists. The less money the terrorists have the safer we are.
What if everyone in the world were to free write? The rainforests would be gone and CO2 emissions would increase. But most importantly and least desirably, the terrorists would win. Now this sounds like a real predicament. Fear not, I have a solution. If we were to cut back on the amount of free writes conducted throughout the world we could reduce destruction to the rainforests, reduce the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere and most importantly: fight terrorism. This is not a difficult solution but it is a bold one. The fate of the free world rests in our hands. To free write or not to free write?