The Acceptance Of No One

The Acceptance Of No One : The Hidden Life Of A No Body

Another day, another nothing. Her name was Satie. She had long black-brown hair with brown to hazel eyes, they seemed to change with her emotions. She wasn’t fat but she also wasn’t a tooth pick either, just...average. Everything about her was average. No one really knew her, not that she cared. She didn’t belong to any club or group at school, she was mostly everything. A little bit of each. She liked jewelry like the preps, not much, but some. She liked music of the punks and rockers but most importantly she hated life like some Goths. Although she never let anyone know that. Her face itself held not much emotion but her eyes spoke for her. Dark meant sad and light, as in hazel, meant she was happy. No one really cared to say any thing to her, they didn’t know her. Her family wasn’t to bad either, they just didn’t understand her. No one did. She didn’t even understand herself. The things she thought in her head were things no other simple minded human could or would ever think. Maybe that made her special? I would not know. Here I am, my name is Evangeline and I am here to tell you a story about someone I once knew.

I didn’t know her to well but I knew enough of her. She was full of sorrow and self loathing although I did not understand why. She was pretty enough in aspect but not enough to get her on the social latter. Who cared for that anyway? I sure didn’t. I got there my own way but I’m not saying I’m ugly , I just had a not so quiet mouth. Satie cared for that latter though, she thought it was all that mattered, even if she was on the bottom step. I, myself, did not understand her. Hell, I told her the truth, no sugar coated shit. I said “Stop thinking about the damn latter, and get on with your life. If you want on there so bad do something that will get you up those steps.” Now at the time I did not think it was harsh, because I say stuff like that to everyone, it’s who I am. I watched her then, her eyes closed and opened with tearful one. I thought they had darkened. This is where I first noticed that her eyes change. They were beautiful, in any form. I said I was sorry and didn’t think to much of it. I left for home then. She left too, I guess.

The next day I found my self talking to her. I asked her what she liked and in return she did the same. I found an odd connection to her. I also noticed that out of thousands of kids in our school I was the only person that ever talked to her. By god, I would have thought of her as mute. She had a cool name too I guess, I mean it wasn’t ordinary and I liked that because neither was mine. She was an only child, I had two brothers, hence the not so quiet mouth. She acted cheerful all the time when I talked to her but something was amiss. Something…and I wanted to find out what it was because she was different from all of my other friends. They were snobby and nosey. I only told them what they wanted to hear, they weren’t my friends. I guess I didn’t have any either like this girl. Maybe that’s what attracted me to her. She was different. Different indeed and perhaps if people would have noticed that the outcome might have been different.


Later I left her, I don’t think she minded she was used to it and I had to go to my other so called friends and gossip with them till school was over. One of my friends named asked me why I was hanging out with that loser and something inside of me snapped and I punched her in the face and turned to leave. Simple as that and I knew she wouldn’t say another word if she wanted her face to look pretty in near future. Another reason why I am on the ladder…I throw good punches it seems. I had went to find that girl, Satie, but saw that she had already left. ‘Bummer,’ I thought. I went home only to return to school the next day. Satie started to tell me there were problems at home, not big ones just many small ones. I asked her if she wanted to stay at my house a night or something but she refused saying she could handle it. ‘bullshit’ I thought. And I knew so because there was a look in her eyes that said she was going to regret something. I know now but that was that and I left her to alone, besides I needed to talk to my guy friends although I had felt awkward doing it. Something about that girl drew something out of me that I did not know I possess. I watched her, she was doing homework, this girl never did quit. I was trying to figure her out but it wasn’t going to happen so I started to ramble on with my guy friends.

Through the next few days I noticed how other people treated her. Harsh. The only word for that abuse. In which they confused me because this girl did nothing to them, In fact, she never did anything to anyone. She of course was always quiet and she never said anything to them and it pissed me off. It had upset me when she never did stand up for herself. One day in particular, I remember had caught my attention. I was on my way to school, earlier than usual, I had to study for a stupid pop quiz the teacher didn’t know that I knew about, but as I almost made it to school I heard someone talking. It was male. He said “ your such a stupid girl Satie, you’re an unlovable bitch and a nothing. I wonder what possesses you to stay in this world when no one likes ..or could even love you…” by that time I had, had enough and barged right in just in time to see her get kicked to the ground. I had started screaming at the guy and pounced on like a dog. I had knocked him to the ground and to put it nicely, beat the shit out of him. I got up and pulled Satie up with me. Never once did I see her cry, it amazed me to be honest but in another way made me think. Had she always been treated like this everywhere she went, even at home and school or just school? I did not dwell on the subject much after while she offered thanks. I just grabbed her and went on to school.

The next morning I woke, everything was normal or boring whichever way you want to put it. I was on my way to school then to class where my new friend would be but I noticed she wasn’t there. I didn’t think to much about it, she was probably sick…right? Wrong. She did the one thing no one would expect her to do, something that rarely happened where they lived. She committed suicide. I was shocked to say the least. I started to cry when I got home and it was when a thought hit me ‘ she had an angel face with a taste for suicidal.’ it was a lyric I heard off my friend Justin’s CD. It was true about her in a sense. It was then I found the answers to my questions. The hidden thing about her eyes, she had hated life. More or less the people in life. The last time I looked deep into her eyes…I thought about it and I gasped. I said “she would regret her suicide.” My mom knocked on my door then and I said “come in.” My mom handed my a piece of folded up paper and I looked at her funny. “The woman whose daughter committed suicide said she found this by her body with your name on it…she must of have been looking for you because she did not know who you were.” “yeah…thanks mom.” I said and she left I opened the letter.

Dearest Evangeline,

By now I would be gone and for that I am sorry. You were the only person I could ever tell anything to. Of course you were the only person who talked to me but that’s okay, I don’t have to worry about that anymore. God is here for me. You did nothing wrong , I saw you as my friend these last few days. I thought about what I am about to do and I have to…the people in this world would never understand me. I was just to different. Sorry I won’t be there with you at school anymore. I could not take it. Please, for my sake , go threw school with straight A’ s Iike I have and continue it for me as I cannot, go to college and live a happy life and find someone you love. Please, live the life I could not. I’ll be watching.

Love you always,

Satie

I looked and the letter in a small smile. “Love you always,”…. even though my great friend was gone, I would always have something to remember her by. Although I only knew her a short while, she meant so much to me. The funny thing then, I remembered telling her to do something to get her up the ladder...she did it. Everyone would remember her now. I started to cry again. I did for days afterward feeling guilty, from then on I vowed to her wishes and made straight A’s on everything and went to a great college...Yale and now have a good family.

It’s been about 10 years since then and every year on that day, no matter where I am, I go and visit her and I always bring her letter with me as well as flowers. I never did get to know her favorite. I tell her of my life and what I have done. I tell her my troubles and hopes she helps me through them in some way. She does listen, I suppose, she helped me out a lot. Somewhere in me I know she is watching and I am certainly grateful for it.

So there it is, the story of my old friend. She left without a cause or any justice. I sat on that grass plain outside my house and prayed. “I pray to god, my father, let your light be shown and change the people of this world and future.” I watch as the sun sets and think of tomorrow. The day, my best friend committed suicide.




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