The Bile-Colored Rainbow Adventure

The Bile-Colored Rainbow Adventure (Lesson One)
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Real Live Ghosts! (Spotted on Film!)

Maybe Made Certain! (At long last, the things you think you know are united with the things you know you think in holy matrimony.)

Making Limey Love! Bearable! Sans Quid! (Swanky Wanking, Hankie-Panky! / Build Your Own: Chunnel Of Love!)

"Show me on the boy where the doll touched you. (Whenever you are deemed ready by the honorable admiral over there... no, behind you, in the raincoat... it's for your own protection.)"

Gender Equality Declared! Divine Mandate Or Just Divine? (Take It Like A Mandate.)

Siphoning My Lifeblood! (The mosquito and the miracle of flight / You, me, and a bucket of my digestive fluid / A secluded parking lot, a masked stranger, and hours of 'Tapdancing-In-Your-Blood' fun for the whole family... All monetary expenses paid!)


Say It Aint So, Flipper! (Famous Hollywood Bad-Dolphin Found Dead With 98+ Red Balloons In Stomach - Autoerotic Asphyxiation On The High Seas!)

True Or False! Anti-Depressants Adversely Affect Punctuation? (Is my frown upside-down or am I?)

Meanwhile, on makeshift stilts...
...
...

long ago, i learned to walk -
or rather, i was taught to.
this trick earned me the right to talk
and live uprightly as one ought to.

the height my hind legs add in standing
lets me look down on all creation.
it makes me proud of my humanity.
it lends option to my copulation.

my stature provides me with my station.
i display my worth and spite the land.
i lead the way to my assimilation;
i've seized life in my uprooted hands.

when i'm lost in thought, i take a seat.
i wonder what it is i stand for, other than a parody?...
i need persuasion to regain my feet;
devitalized, my burden rests upon posterity.

i've grown a strong disdain for nature,
but i've regained my strength for dinner.
now i feast on lower lifeforms, by the
fistful of their innards.
the lesser beasts must feed us all to show
them we're the winners.
...
...

I'm going to need you to take your hands off my wheelchair*.
Also, one bib is never enough. Not for me anyway.
I eat the way I make love: fast, furious, immediately followed by shame... and butter. Always plenty 'o butter, you butter believe it.
You bet yer bottom dollar there'll be butter, buster. It gets everywhere too, and I mean everywhere! It's the anti-gravity kind that I eat out of thermometers**.


* { Immediately. }
** { their 'meat mothers' - mammalian mommas that
travel in packs and spawn milkmaids. }