Roads of Life

Roads of Life

My life’s been a journey,
a conversion of three roads.

The first was the simplest path,
through my early years,
playing in the sandbox of a boy’s life,
watching grown-ups laugh and argue,
hiding from monsters in my closet,
but genuinely happy
with the fantasy’s calling to my mind.

The second was an emotional path.
Growing in understanding and appreciation,
yes,
but just in what I desired to be and to have,
almost ignoring the needs of others,
and the turmoil I created when their ways
of looking at the world
did not coincide with my own.

My second road led to confusion.

As my world became clearer to me,
it made little sense to my
selfish views.

It was a chance encounter
with a strong woman in my neighborhood
that crystallized
the beginning steps off this road.

Who showed me the power in my heart,
who did not, and still doesn’t,
let me accept thoughts and actions
which are untrue.

I credit her above all others,
for furthering my journey along this road.
Looking to the beginning,
she found how to reach beyond the ignorance
of my past, to what I could be,
and lead me with her innocence.

She holds me fiercely,
yet honestly accountable
for actions unlike me.

In doing so,
over time,
I come to appreciate more in people,
and in life.
From each I learn,
and in learning, with an open mind,
I grow.

Though now,
after some adventurous years,
I have come to understand
a third road.

For a time,
I thought it an extension of the second,
but now I view this path as independent.

There is subtle distinction to its bend,
perhaps,
but there is more to its importance.

The third journey began the day I was born.

As it does for all reasoning beings,
it lay dormant in me for many years,
buried beneath the demands of my life,
hidden by the fog of misunderstanding
in the other two paths,
and thus blocking its portal.

This road opened the day I found her with child,
with a charge that nearly exploded my heart and soul.

It was my first step to today,
one of mystery,
a future filled with unanswered questions,
and the chance to be my twin boy's hero.

And it is a road that opens,
only,
when awakening occurs along the other two.

Though it requires the shortest steps,
it is certainly the most difficult,
for its beginning never ends.

And it’s not always so clear a way.

My heart lingers with those
I've passed,
who've strayed too far within the shadows,
to become lost to all in whom
they once found honest love.

For myself,
I’m still on the right path,
and not because I’ve found answers
in the purity of those
whom reside within my heart.

Although this has brought
me untold riches…

But because in my inquiry
of Self,
along a once coldly hidden road,
I find questions that challenge my character,
and warm my cause...

I find I'm no longer afraid.

I know through my actions
are the answers to my person…

My truth lies in me.

So I view this last,
and most important road,
as ultimately private in its teachings,
though public with its rewards.

With questions that can be answered by no-one but me.

I’ve met too many people
finding their answers in the sermons of others.

Words sanctified by age,
or the perceived wisdom of authors
who provide a comfortable ending
to some prefabricated journey.
With no real answers to the truly troubling questions.
No real answers to the demons
wresting for control of people’s dreams.

What’s offered seems
a series of blanket responses to existence,
leading to unconquered fears
of their individual worlds, its unknowns,
before life as they know it
ends.

And I say it's shameful...

Fear is the fuel
to be consumed by
the courage of Self...

Hidden within each of us.

That which makes us individually strong,
not reliant upon the film of others…

Perhaps I am unfair to the various flocks.

Perhaps,
many within have asked themselves the hard questions,
banishing their demons
via the personal answers they’ve found,
with truth and honesty,
and then finding those of similar ilk,
they share their revelations.

Perhaps I am missing something
far more grand…

If that is the case,
perhaps I envy,
even admire
those who have advanced
along their spiritual road,
farther than I.

Perhaps I have nothing to envy,
as I’ve walked just a step further
and must simply look ahead.

Or,
perhaps I need little more
than the love of a rose,
and the laughter of my children,
to die content
upon what may be my last
and final road.

- Christopher Harris