speculate > frustrate

Why no wonder no cry


I don’t know why. I don’t know why. I no longer hardly cry. I have my guess to try. I reckon all my meditative activities keep me so often in serenity. I pour my hurts into writings, abstract arts and yoga contorting. Even reading - practically anything - maybe a bit meditative to my brain.
Maybe I have learned to speculate so well, rather than frustrate, over complicated matters and situations.
The last time I shed a couple tears was May of last year. I was on an extended road trip busying away the days till my appointment date came up to get a motor issue checked out in Iowa, and I was sitting in my car because it was another windy day and raining and I shed a few tears I think more out of irritation and, well, I guess it was also a bit frustrating because I sure as hell didn’t want to be ‘just sitting’ in my car with practically nothing to pass the time; and I couldn’t listen to the radio or read all day and ‘just sitting’ their in the driver seat I knew the time would dddrrrraaaaaag … so I looked up a cannabis store that was in Illinois and a days round trip drive and I had the strength for it and I was almost out of my previous cannabis supply and I thought about it for all of about 5 seconds and thought “oh hell yah I’m goin’ and it’ll pass the time and I got the strength to drive it and maybe this wind or at least the rain will be gone when I get back” (I was boon docking at Rice Lake) … I was in no mood to just sit there waiting out the rain. If it had been bright sunshine it would have been a whole different day probably playing with a fire.

And BTW, if you find yourself wanting to boon dock there - Rice Lake, there is practically no wood left for a fire.


P.S. - And once again if you don’t like that paragraph being kind of a run on sentence - it just came out that way as my writing brain does a bit more than just sometimes - you’ll just have to fuss at shrugged shoulders if it’s like an annoying no-see-um to you.

P.P.S. - BTW the absence of the wind symbol on the forecast in Illinois and Iowa just means it’ll be blowing at less than 17ish MPH. … And that is that.

P.P.P.S. - Ok so maybe I ‘do’ know ‘why hardly no cry’. … serenity


2/12/23

~ Quiet the Wilder