For Bug

Two days until the third anniversary of losing him.
It’s going to be a difficult day for all of us.

I can still see him slumped over in the same position that he had passed out the night before when I went to bed. At that moment I knew that he had left us.

I reached out to gently shake his leg even though I knew that there would be no response. He was ice cold. For the first time that I can remember he looked peaceful.

When I woke you up I couldn’t tell you that he was gone. The only thing I could think to say was that I couldn’t wake him up.

You tried so hard to wake him. Each second your voice getting louder saying his name.

This went on until you looked up at me and quietly said “Ma, he’s gone.”

Lukas nervously paced the kitchen floor. It was as if he knew what you and I knew but being a cat didn’t know what it meant.

When the paramedics arrived they didn’t try to revive him. He had been gone too long.

You and I sat in the living room answering the police officer’s questions as best as we could.

When all the information was given we were asked to step outside. Lukas was safely in my room.

Sitting on the steps you wept as you tried to figure out what you needed to do.

There were so many that you needed to contact and yet you didn’t know where to start.

When we were allowed back into the house he was lying on his back, zipped into a shroud of white.

It was a couple minutes later that he would be taken out of the apartment and would never return again.

Not wanting this to be the last thing that you remembered about him I told you to go to my room and wait with Lukas.

When the apartment was empty except for the three of us, you and Lukas left my room.

I sat numbly while you cried yourself out while Lukas sat at the door waiting for him.

I don’t remember a word that I said, if I said anything at all. I wanted to hold you and say that it would be okay.

Since that time I’ve watched you have good days and bad nights. You will never let him go.

You were blessed to have found your soulmate. He was everything to you and will always be.

You’ll never know the admiration that I have for you. You’ve stood in the storm and survived.

As I promised him I will always take care of you. Not just because you’re my baby. But because you’re my heart.