One Man And His Dog

‘And where are you going, Jack Bristol?’

‘Just taking the dog for a walk, sweeting.’

‘You ain’t going nowhere Mister. You’ve got the bar to scrub and a barrel to change. Are you listening Jack Bristol?’

‘Yes dear. I’ll just take the rubbish out first.’

‘Put the kettle on. I want a cuppa before my telly programme starts.’

‘Yes dear. C'mon boy! Walkies! Shhhh! Don’t let the Queen of Despot hear you. Good boy!’

‘What's all the whispering? Why’s that mongrel fussing?’

‘Rover just needs to be let out for a call of nature, my love.’

‘Can’t it wait?’

‘He’s scratching at the door, my dear. C’mon boy. Let’s visit The Sun.’

‘What did you say?’

‘See you later, hun.’

‘Whaaaat?’

‘The Old Sun closed last year, Rover. I wonder if The Sun in Mayborough is still open? That’ll be the number eight bus from the corner. Quick. Here it comes.’

‘Nearly didn’t see yer, mate. Where you goin’?’

‘Single to The Sun, Mayborough, please Driver.’

‘It ain’t The Sun no more, mate. It’s a Lizard Lounge. ‘Orrible place.’

‘The Bus Station, then. Me and the dog.’

‘Wake up sunshine! Mayborough Central terminus. Where are you off to?’

‘Dunno. Anywhere the wife ain’t.’

‘The coach to Nanchester leaves in ten. Good luck matey.’

‘Single to Nanchester, me and the dog, please Driver. Is there a pub called The Sun there?’

‘Don’t think so.’

‘It’s Nanchester, Rover. Hey! Is that a late night service to London? Bound to be a Sun pub there. Let’s go!’

‘London, Victoria Coach Station. Wake up sir. It’s five o’clock.’

‘Gawd. Is there a pub called The Sun near here?’

‘Baker Street. On the Bakerloo line. But you can’t take the dog on the tube.’

‘C’mon boy. Walkies! There’s lots of parks in the Smoke. And I need a cuppa.’

‘The Sun? Baker Street? Closed down years ago.’

‘No pub called The Sun around here. Try Islington.’

‘Look at that poster, Rover. Torquay. On the English Riviera. The Sunshine Coast. I bet there’s a coach...’

‘Torquay. Wake up sir!’

‘It’s raining. No sun here. Is there a coach to Cornwall?’

‘Penzance, sir. Wake up.’

‘It’s raining. Is there a ferry to the Scilly Isles?’

‘St Mary's, sir. Time to disembark.’

‘Look, Rover! It’s not raining and the sky’s blue.’

‘The sun has got his hat on, sir. That way to the gangplank.’

‘C’mon Rover. Let’s find a park. You deserve a bit of a run.’

‘A park? Down the road, turn left, there’s one just past The Sun pub.’

‘Just look at that, Rover. They want bar staff! Tell you what, let’s do a turn around the park and I’ll have a wash and tidy up a bit.’

‘Bar man job? Ever pulled pints before?’

‘The Missus has this pub, The Blue Moon, but I got fed up with her nagging. So me and Rover went off to find the sun.’

‘And here you are. Never heard a story like it before, in all my born days.’