A vent to the WDC. I love you all

I wanted to write something out for my portfolio but this doesn't fit... (added to portfolio because to big for newsfeed post.) I'm not sure how to start it or explain or what my point is. But here we go.

And I'm telling this to this community because I don't really have anyone else to go to for truly good advice or to talk to about it. This community has done so much for me the past year and I'm happy I have yall.

Nearly a year ago now, I joined this site and posted a few writes, someone 150% anonymous bought me a membership for this website for a year....I am so so thankful for it and I wish I knew who it was, I wish I could gift them back. They have truly helped me grow my talent and inspire me so much. I told myself then for the next year I would dedicate myself to writing. I started 2 books and have wrote so many storys, poems, and pieces. I belive I had burnt myself out, I constantly come up with new things to write about and ideas, ect but when I put my finger on the paper I go blank or I don't feel up to it. It's been about 3 months since I have posted any pieces....
A big majority of my pieces are about my amazing girlfriend, we call her "Rayne" here. She was a online and truly loyal and caring girlfriend. 2 months ago we met...I then moved out of state and stayed with her. She is absolutely everything I saw and expected plus so much more. She's genuinely the most amazing person anybody could ever be around. Her beauty of her soul and physical is almost a curse...
Our relationship is amazing, nothing wrong with it, it's almost to perfect. I can't wait till we have our own place/s together and are comfortable in life in general.

I'm not doing financially well at the moment. I stayed here because of a job opportunity which is still open, but long story short I need to finish my GED first...basically rushed it. But she was completely comfortable with me staying and wanted me to stay. We talked extensively. I'm living in my truck, we see eachother daily and I visit her family's houses all the time, i'm for the most part comfortable. Having access to a more money would be amazing, but I'm working on it. I make some here and there. I got a job interview next week...fast food, it's something for now to get by. My girlfriends family mainly feeds me and I use their shower and laundry. I feel genuinely so guilty and bad for intruding into their lives and using their house for my needs. And I'm not forcing myself in or anything like that. But I wish I had a planet fitness membership to use their showers and keep myself busy and in shape. And to use a laundry mat instead of theirs. I want to bring home dinner for their family a few times and take my girlfriend out for dinner instead of her taking me out for dinner....I hope that's understandable. I want to show that I can provide for her to her family. And to her, it's not a good impression and herself and her family probably has disapoiment towards me. I am trying and she sees that. I can and do and will provide, I'm just in a sticky spot and I wish and hope and pray that I get some sort of headstart or booster her soon because I feel like a failure. There's no going back to where I came from either it's not possible, don't have family either to be with anymore... it's okay though. I'll get it one day and that day will be very very soon. My own self disappointment does not put a bad mental affect on me. It just makes me wanna work harder and look harder.
I just feel like the universe has had a invisible wall in front of me for years now and I'm not completely sure how to break it or walk through it.
I'm sorry, not sorry 😅 for the total rant... Thank you for listening.

In just a couple months my WDC subscription ends. I'm not sure what happens to my pieces when it ends. I hope they don't auto delete when it switches back to a basic account. And I hope the world is still able to see them, I'm not sure when I will be able to afford another subscription but I will buy it one day! I will be back I promise! My love for writing is going nowhere and I love sharing it with this amazing community. So thank you to all.

I know this mightve been abrupt and confusing but thank you for reading anyways.
I love you all !