The Paradox of Freedom

Question: When it comes to the freedom that we have to choose what we want for ourselves, how do we separate what we want from what we have been influenced to want? Do we really want what we have been taught to desire?

Freedom is a vague and often misunderstood concept, especially when we talk about psychological freedom—the ability to express who we truly are without being constrained by external pressures. However, there is no straightforward path to freedom. Our choices are influenced by so many factors—our talents, family situations, jobs, wealth, cultural norms, and even laws. All of these can limit our freedom and shape what we think we should want.
This leads me to wonder: how much of what we desire is truly our own, and how much is just what society expects from us? One idea that really helps explore this is the continuum concept by Jean Liedloff. It suggests that we have natural expectations based on our evolution. These expectations guide us toward what we need for a healthy life, but at the same time, they can also pressure us to fit into society’s mold of success.
Many of us feel we need to chase certain careers or lifestyles because they’re seen as desirable. But are we really going after what we want, or have we been conditioned to think these are the things we should want? Family, media, and cultural narratives can be so powerful that it’s hard to tell the difference between our true desires and those imposed on us.
So, I’ve been reflecting on where my beliefs and desires come from. Are they based on my own experiences, or are they shaped by outside influences? For example, wanting to do well in school might come from a genuine love of learning, or it could be because I feel pressured to get good grades. This sort of self-reflection is essential for me to understand my motivations and reclaim my freedom to choose.
When I think about my motivations, I realize that it’s not just about what I want to achieve; it’s about understanding why I want those things in the first place and see what’s really driving me. For instance, I often find myself striving for good grades. At first, I thought it was simply because I wanted to excel academically. But as I dig deeper, I see that there’s more to it. Growing up and watching my parents work hard to give me opportunities they didn't have or to make my life more easier for me, I have this constant tendency to feel obliged to give back to them for what they provided for me by continuing what they have started. Part of me wants to make my family proud, especially my mom, who has always emphasized the importance of education. I can hear her voice in my head, reminding me to “study hard” and pursue a better future. While I appreciate her encouragement and know she only wants the best for me, I also wonder if this pressure is shaping my goals more than I realize.
I also think about the societal expectations around success. There’s this narrative that if you go to university and get a degree, you’ll automatically lead a successful life. But is that really true for me? Sometimes, I feel like I’m chasing a dream that isn’t entirely mine. I want to explore my passions, but I worry that I might be following a path that others have laid out for me instead of carving my own.
The continuum concept also makes me think about how our natural expectations can guide us but also limit our understanding of what a fulfilling life looks like. It’s important to ask myself whether the paths I’m following truly reflect who I am or if they’re just responses to what society expects.
As I consider my own desires, I realize I need to critically assess what I genuinely want versus what I’ve been taught to want. This involves asking tough questions about my motivations and the influences that shape my choices. Do I really want to pursue a specific career, or am I just following a path that others have laid out for me? In the end, what’s the importance of distinguishing my true desires from societal expectations, and how does this understanding empower me to reclaim my freedom and stay true to myself in a world that often tries to define me?