Persuasive Rabbit

Dialogue with a rabbit.

384 words

‘Hey you! Get off my carrots!’

‘Huh?’

‘Yeah, I can see your fluffy backside sticking out of my kale. But don’t mind me. Sorry to disturb you while you’re dining.’

‘Do I detect a little cynicism? Or could it be irony?’

‘For crying out loud, an opinionated rabbit!… Er, go on! Don’t just sit there. Scram!’

‘Have you never heard of Egalitarianism?’

‘Egalitarianism! What the..? Have you never heard of what’s mine is mine?’

‘That’s a very selfish attitude, if you ask me.’

‘Yeah? Well, I’m not asking you. I’m telling you to clear off and to get out of my vegetable patch.’

‘I’m of the belief of Total Communal Sharing. We focus on the absolute sharing of everything, with no personal ownership.’

‘For Pete’s sake, I have a communist rabbit in my garden. The least you could do is not speak with your mouth full of MY carrots.’

‘I’m saying I disagree with your outlook on life, sir.’

‘I’m sure you do. You’ll find yourself disagreeing with my shotgun if you don’t get moving.’

‘I’m coming to the conclusion you don’t like rabbits.’

‘Bloody vermin, the lot of you. You’re of no use whatsoever to the world’

‘I’d like to persuade you to think otherwise, if you’ll just give me a few minutes of your obviously precious time.’

We’re not having a debate here. I don’t need to hear your rebuttal. In fact I can’t believe I’m having a philosophical conversation with a rabbit!’

‘We all have our place and reason to be living. Could you tell me, what use are YOU? Have you made the world a better place by YOUR existence?’

‘I’m not going to stand here in MY garden and justify myself to a bunny.’

‘Well, sir, I’ll have you know we rabbits aerate your soil, keep the weeds down, keep your lawn nice and trim and our droppings fertilise your vegetable patch. How else could you have grown such crunchy, delicious produce?’

‘You’re persuasive, I’ll give you that!’

‘Have I done enough to convince you? Remember, sharing is caring.’

‘I suppose there are enough carrots to go around. Just don’t go telling all your mates about my veggies, there’s a good fella.’

Written for Dialogue 500. APRIL PROMPT/ You catch a talking rabbit with an attitude in your backyard.



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