Biker Rabbit

Not the Easter Bunny

'Mum! Mum! There's a rabbit in the garden.'
'Ruddy rabbits. Where is it?'
'It's under the hen coop. It's got a jacket on.'
'A blue one I suppose?'
'No muuuuum! It's a black leather jacke and a black army cap wiv a chain.'
'Riiiight. A biker rabbit. I suppose it's got shades?'
'Don't be daft mum. Rabbits can't wear sunglasses. Come and meet him. He's called Reynard.'
'Reynard? That's a Fox's name. Rabbits are Peter or Fluffy or Bugs. Don't pull that face. If the wind changes you'll be stuck like it. Okaaay! I'm coming.'
'He was here a minute ago. Where's he gone? Hey! Reynard!'
'Wazzup me ol' mucker? Who's da broad?'
'Don't call mum a broad. She ain't very fat.'
'Thanks, son. Love you too. Sooooo. You're Reynard the Biker Rabbit then?'
'Lissen, missus. Don't give me no strife. Me moniker's Reynard. Yo gotta problem wiv that?'
'Put those paws down, Mister. I have no intention of dukeing up with a rabbit, biker, or whatever.'
'Pin back your lugholes. I ain't no bunny as what missed the turn to Albuquerque. I ain't no nutter wiv a pocket watch. I is da Leader of da Gang.'
'Gang? Where's the rest of them? Under the hen coop?'
'Mum! You can't talk to a biker like that! They might ride their machines through the veggie patch. Or summat.'
'A gang of raging rabbits on Harleys tearing up my carrots? Give me strength!'
'Don't-cha give me none of yo lip, missus. An' we don't do no Harley Davidsons. I gotta Zipper.'
'A Zipper? 50cc of throbbing power? Blimey. And what do the rest of the Rider Rabbits mount up on?'
'There ain't no rule. Real rabbits don't do rules.'
'Riiiight. And how many Real Rabbits ride in your gang?'
'Wurrum.'
'Wurrum? One? Just you? And where's your little ol' Zipper bike?'
'Lissen missus. Don't-cha mock me. I's a badass dude. I got ... Stuff...'
'Oh, for goodness sake! I got stuff too. A pie dish for example.'
'Muuuum! We can't eat him! He's cute!'
'Awwww. Look at his little facey-wacey. It's scary-wary. Hey! Put that chain away!'
'Yo shaddapa yo face! Else I'm gonna wrap this chain around yo neck.'
'I don't think that wrapping a plastic chain, stolen from a handbag, around my kneecaps, actually fills me with terror.'
'Mum? He's gone all floppy. I think you've hurt his feelings. Awwww. C'mon Reynard! Yo is some badass rabbit.'
'Well... You're certainly the baddest biker rabbit that has ever invaded my garden. There now! Feeling better?'
'Reynaaaard! Reynaaard? Where you is?'
'Oh 'eck! That's me ma!'
'Reynard! You get your furry tail back to the burrow. Right now!'
'Blimey! Can I hide me gear under the hen coop?'
'I suppose so. You'd better hop off now. You don't want to miss your dinner.'
'Cripes no. We got pie tonight. Thanks missus!'
'You're welcome, Biker Rabbit.'

483 words.
Vocabulary:
mucker - mate/friend
moniker - name
dukeing up - fisticuffs / boxing
lugholes - ears