Critique - Zuk and Zobb

Review of Short Story

Before I begin my critique, I would like to explain what I am looking for and how I go about this.font:times}I began using this while teaching a Junior and Senior High School writing class. When I began teaching at a Community College in Des Moines, IA, I used a more advanced model, which you see below.

What I look for:

Originality: How original was this story? A one means that the story is clich while a ten means that it has at least a few ideas I haven't encountered before.

Setting: How well was the setting developed? A one means that the setting disappeared from the story or that I felt confused about where and when the tale occurred in one or more scenes. The author should involve all the senses in describing their setting. A ten means that the setting is well-developed and informs every story aspect, from character development to tone and narrative style. In a tale rated ten, the setting itself is a powerful draw for the story, and the author successfully transported me into the tale.

Characterization: How well-drawn are the characters in the story? Good characters should convince us they grew up in the world or setting where we've placed them. They should have complex motives and be imbued with conflicting attitudes about life, ethics, politics, etc. The characters should have friends, enemies, acquaintances, secrets, desires, and fears, if applicable to the story. The character should have a physical body and a physical history. The character should have a family, of course, and some history, along with a place in society. In short, with a poorly drawn character, we know nothing about him by the end of the story. With a well-drawn character, we feel we know him intimately by the end of the story.

Conflict and Plot: How interesting are conflicts? Since the characters, along with their motives and abilities, really lead to a plot, one must also consider the twists and turns of the plot. How inventive are they? How exciting! How engrossing?

Emotional/intellectual Payoff: How well did this story arouse potent emotions? Were they the proper emotions for the intended audience if they did arouse powerful emotions? The author should create an emotional symphony.

Theme: How well did this story speak to the reader? Does it raise interesting questions about life and provide profound insights?

Treatment: How masterfully was the tale written on a line-by-line basis? A poor story that earns a one-star rating might be complicated to read simply because of something like "pronoun reference problems" or typos and grammatical problems may mar it. The language is clear and well-paced. Too often, authors who write work too hard to impress the reader and end up cluttering the tale.

Now, on to your scoring:

Originality:
I enjoyed reading this story due to its originality. There were issues, however, where your cleverness in trying to build a unique piece got in the way of the flow of what you were trying to say.

Score: 8 of 10

Setting:

Your establishment of the setting was well placed and reinforced throughout your story. The use of words such as terminology, expound, economics, civics, regalia, and trousseau, to name a few, seemed to cause a hiccup in the believability of the setting of being from the Stone Age. It transitioned from using primitive tools to embracing advanced ideas.

Score: 7 of 10

Characterization:

Zobb-Protagonist-Developed early as the lead protagonist. Successful and seemingly well-liked.
Zuk-Sidekick to protagonist.
Nebb-Antagonist-Bully and assistant to Mog
Mog-Incoming King, though not much is known of him.

Score: 10 of 10

Conflict and Plot:

The plot developed slowly due to extensive background information.
Conflict was straightforward between the protagonist and antagonist, with a veiled threat.

Score 7.5 of 10

Emotional/intellectual Payoff:

Unfortunately, I found it challenging to become emotionally attached to this story. While I enjoyed reading it, the characters, dialogue, and descriptions did not engage me as much as I would have liked.

Score: 6 of 10

Theme:

As I reread this story, I asked myself several times: How well did this story speak to the reader? Does it raise interesting questions about life and provide profound insights? I don't believe this story fits this category. This is primarily an entertainment story.

Score: Not Applicable

Treatment:

Grammatically speaking, several errors interfered with the overall flow of the story. Clarity, conciseness, punctuation, Grammar, and spelling. These did not include the special names, words, phrases, or sounds within the story.

Score: 4 of 10


Score: Total Possible 60
Score: Received 42.5