I Didn't Mean to Love You

Pure love is sacrificial--but my heart still wants you.

I didn't mean to love you.
Like a river carves a canyon over thousands of years,
The man you are slowly chipped away at the walls
Of the protective fortress I'd build around my heart.

I know it sounds crazy.
I loved you from the first time you shook my hand.
The heart can't help who it loves, but it can help what it does.
So, I chalked it up to respect and admiration of character.

You weren't mine to love.
Thou shalt not covet. Thou shalt not...feel.
Your twinkling eyes, adorable smile —
Your sense of humor — they all made me fall.

It was always there.
Something drew us together — I didn't know what.
But it felt good, and safe, and fun, and energizing.
Like a spark on a pile of burning embers.

One day the tide turned.
Something changed in you, quite what I didn't know.
I saw sadness in your eyes when no one was looking.
It wasn't my business, but my heart hurt for you.

And then things changed again.
The current running under the surface broke through
And set everything on fire — you felt something for me, too.
I wasn't crazy — but you still weren't mine to love.

It wasn't your fault.
You thought the time was right and you let yourself go.
But you have a commitment — you have to give it a chance.
I wanted you to have no regrets and to make the right decision.

I don't mean to love you.
But I do. I saw the sadness in your face when you told me.
You'd already grieved the loss, but now with a reopened wound,
You said goodbye to me, and rightly so, to focus on this.

Pure love is sacrificial.
You have a life to lose; I only a fraction of that.
It would be a lie to say I didn't hope you'd choose
To turn the page and start a new chapter with me.

All I can do is pray.
For you to make the choice that completes your soul.
For me to be at peace with that choice.
For us both to find love and joy in the end.

Know I would love you as you are.
I would love you for your flaws and foibles.
I would love you through your pain and baggage.
I believe you would do the same for me.

Know I love you fiercely.
The time we spent together meant everything to me.
You loved me passionately — genuinely.
I felt at home — safe, loved, treasured — in your arms.

I didn't mean to love you.
But I do.