find the stars

a poem that started somewhere and went in a different direction

in the vacuous expanse of space

you blinked

a star blinked

I blinked

but couldn't move to you

couldnt get to you

you

you

you

blinked

and blinked out



im left here, a right handed person

using my left hand

to write love poems against my will

against my instincts

in sloppy script

who reads this left handed

do you see how each word was uncomfortable for me

these words warped by the instrument

the piano playing off key

because it was never tuned



I love you madly

the way we do when we've lost our minds

I love you straightjacketed

left hand right hand no hands

all lips and words and stretched out of socket

would you believe it

they call me crazy, they wont let me out of here

through the glass plate do you see me now

I only wanted you to see me



wink again

wink if you get it

wink if you can, twinkle in, let me see you

its been pitch black

its been nighttime

its been ages, aging still

I hurt you old

I hurt me young

all I do is hurt across time

age, one for the ages, one for the books



hello again baby

baby baby

how you break me

break my hand

my right hand

my good hand

those bones cracked and crunched

under your boot, under your expert touch

the hand you held once

the hand you broke twice

just to double check that it couldn't sing again

never sing again, never hum its story


imagine for a second that you're thrust into the dark. how would you find your way? you'd start where you are. you'd reach for whatever is nearest to you. you'd feel around until you bump into something. you'd hit your hip - is that a table? a chest of drawers? and you'd make a mess of it, knock things over and break, shatter, there goes a vase. or maybe a vase, maybe something else. feel around. right, left, gingerly now that you know it's all real. even if you cant see it, it's real. you're here. it's here. it's dark. paint by numbers, paint by seconds, paint by touch alone. where am I? is anyone home? muffled voices. footsteps from above you. did they put you here? do they know you're frightened? help me, help me, help me find my way. hand grazes, hand ascertains, hands realize what eyes cant know. I cant know. you cant know. and this is how they found the stars: the closest first. the brightest first, the north star led them across the earth and into oblivion. they followed that one right off the cliff. and found out that the bottom is dark too.


maybe down maybe down again maybe farther now maybe buried down there you'll be

did you bury yourself again, my love, answer me! I asked you a question!

hello?

you always were so far away weren't you

my love? answer me