elephants on parade

TW: a poem about my stay in a psych ward

i spent a week in an institution that smelled like the plastic

that covers stale white bread, and they told me I was crazy

I was crazy because I looked around at everything

and thought that i'd rather not

but no matter how many times I could get my

therapist to agree with me

that sometimes it's better nowhere than here

that sometimes broken is broken

that sometimes we call them like we see them

she would extend-extend-extend my 72 hour

wait time as if wait time

was all I needed to change my mind



I waited for you to visit

the clock hitting the numbers numbly

with the hour- and minute-hands

bashing their brains out against each other

you didn't show

my mom called me

my mom, the reason I was in here mostly,

called, and you never did



I gave my socks away to a girl who

wouldn't stop crying for her dad, it was

more than likely that my socks wouldn't fit on her

cankles but I did my best

to say hey, you're not alone

or-

hey, you are alone

but you have a pair of socks



sometimes I think about that place

all of us sitting there with our elephants out

elephants that used to crowd nice dining rooms

living rooms

other people's living

and now they're here

a fucking three ring circus of elephants

and me