Loyalty

Bronwyn must decide where her loyalties lie

"I've been playing with possibilities," I began as I moved my food around my plate absently. I was not ready to meet his gaze. The tightness in my stomach reminded me this was not going to be an easy conversation. Somehow it felt a little less overwhelming in a restaurant, but I was starting to feel maybe that hadn't been a good call. I didn't usually make requests. HE usually dictated our life. I went along, not wanting to rock the boat. But this my mother's health and care was important to me.

HE grunted. The sound skittered over my already strung nerves. Not a good sign. I swallowed, then took a sip of water to help alleviate my already parched mouth.

I dragged in a deeper breath and forged on, "since mom lives in a bungalow, I think it would be easier if she stayed there instead of moving to our place..."

"I don't want your mother living with us." He said darkly. I could feel his gaze boring into me. The coward in me kept my eyes on my plate.

I sucked in another breath before going on, "It's just getting..." I searched for the right word, "challenging to be there for her and then come home... I'm keeping two houses..."

"And doing a shitty job of it," he added before shoving another bite of steak in his mouth.

Those words cut deep. I was doing my best - working full time teaching high school English, caring for Mom and trying to keep two places up to a level both my husband and mother expected, but it was never good enough. I sucked in more breaths to dislodge that emotional hit.

"Get her a damn nurse," he suggested still chewing.

"You know she doesn't want the fuss..."

"But she's willing to inconvenience our lives?"

"It's not an inconvenience. She's my mother."

"So. You're married now. She can deal on her own."

I looked up then. My eyes wide in disbelief. My lips fell open. I pressed them back together as I thought, he would never be this heartless if it was his father with cancer.

"She doesn't need you AND you're my wife."

Would it kill him to admit he needed me. I longed to feel needed.

"You're duty bound to honour your vows and serve me."

"Excuse me?" I said appalled at his words. Rage swirled in my gut. My finger nails dug into the palms of my now clenched fists.

He said nothing. Just went on eating like this did not concern him.

"Excuse me?" I said again. This time it was a little louder and he shifted his gaze back to mine. I took in a cooling breath to sooth the flames that reared. Careful to articulate each word I said, "I have every intention of caring for my mother - nursing her back to health..."

"She's got cancer, Bronwyn. She's going to die." His words were matter of fact.

They hit like a punch to the gut. I reeled and struggled to drag in another breath.

"Your loyalty should be to me. Your mother can fend for herself." He went back to eating.

I jumped to my feet nearly knocking the chair down in the process.

"Sit down, Bronwyn. You're making a scene." he growled low so no one around us in the restaurant would hear.

"No. I can't stay." I through my napkin down and headed for the exit. I knew he would be furious. I knew this would cause a rupture, but maybe this marriage needed that. All my unhappiness mixed with my anger and I increased my speed. Not running, but close enough.

Family meant the world to me, but his words seemed to detonate in me a realization that loyalty to him meant to HIS family alone and that did not sit well with me. I was done making excuses. I was done being half a person. I was done losing myself. If I had to chose, it would be my family. If he couldn't get on board with that, then I was not the wife for him.

I raced home. Scrapping together what was mine and stuffing it in my Corolla, I really didn't have all that much beyond my computer, some books and my clothes. Everything else he considered his. He could keep his own damn house for all I cared. I just wanted my Self back.

I headed for my mother's house, calling her on the way. Somehow she was not surprised.



Word count = 753 words