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Too many years without words to share

I'm honestly not sure where I've been, or why the words have been so silent. Not silent, dead. I thought I would never return. Return to be who I was.

Growing up I always enjoyed reading and writing poetry. They weren't happy poems, always dark. My mom found my book one day and was so worried due to the words she read. Death and fear and hatred. I guess reading those words from your grown daughter's mind can be scary.

My life wasn't easy. I grew up with an alcoholic mother that jumped man to man and place to place. Every relationship was abusive. The only steady thing in my life was for sure I had my brother next to me. He helped me in ways.
But growing up in life like that can do damage and leave your mind in dark places.

I had my oldest daughter at twenty and my second at twenty-one. I fell into my mother's footstep and start a relationship with a man who couldn't keep his hands of me and not in a loving way. So, life got darker. The poems I wrote were about abuse and pain. I thought it would never stop. At the age of twenty-22 I was diagnosed with bi-polar disease. things started to make more since in my life and why my mind worked the way it did.

Eventually found a man I fell in love with, and the love was returned for a few years. At twenty-five we decided to try for a little boy, but I had my third daughter. I was still writing but it was about bipolar or my children. It was lighter and happier and understanding. Then a few years in things changed with the husband. We grew apart and everything in life was on my shoulders. from the kids to the house, the yard, everything. I lost time to write, honestly, I lost my words. Everything in life consumed me, I had no me left.

I used to be a member here years ago. I had so much. I still have most of my poems. They're in a folder in my closet. I love sharing my words on here. I was part of a community. I'm sure one way or another I could have gotten my old account back up and going. But I wanted to start new. It's a new chapter in life and new words to share.

I couldn't tell you the last thing I wrote. I'm alone now. My kids are grown with families of their own. I have my own little apartment I pay all the bills for. I have a great job I love. Life is pretty great. I do get lonely sometimes. My kids and I live in different states. But I'm happy for now. I want to write again. I'm not sure if I'll every write poetry again but I do have stories in me. Some are dark, some are longing for things unknow. Who knowns where this will go, or if I'll be any good at it. As of now wanting to write is back. I'm going to ride it and see where it goes.