Hotel COWlifornia

This is a parody of the classic song, Hotel California. No disrespect for The Eagles intended. I love the Eagles and their music.

Hotel COWlifornia!

by Hooves of Fire

On a damp cloudy pasture, swatting flies on my ass,
Warm smell of manure, wafting up through the grass
Up ahead in the barnyard, heard a distant cowbell,
Tail was tired from swatting flies, had to stop for a spell.

There she stood in the fenceline, almost swallowed my cud
And I was thinking to myself, 'Hay! I could be her stud!'
Then she flared up her nostrils, and her ears they flew back,
Saw ducks in the meadow, thought I heard them quack:

Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.

Her horns brightly polished, she’s got the ring in her nose,
She’s got a lot of pretty pretty bulls, standing too close
How they prance in the moonlight, tickle and tease,
It’s a wonder they don’t catch, mad cow disease

So, I lowed for The Milkman, "please come get your cow," He said,
"Sorry, I’m writing, just can’t do it now"
And the dogs started barking, with a distant wail,
Wake me from this nightmare, you flies on my tail.

Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.

Blue lights in the rafters, cool water in the pail, she mooed,
"You’re a bull I could go for, I could make you wail!"
In The Milkman's chambers, preparing for the meal,
Presses the microwave’s buttons, not venting the seal

Last thing I remember, I was charging for the door,
I had to find my way back - to the bull that I was before

“Relax,” said The Milkman, “happens all the time.
Do just what I do, drink some milk,
Do "The Writer's Cramp"  , then you’ll be fine.”

Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.




This was written for a contest which was hosted by chuckster in February of 2002 and it is my first song parody ever! Thank you so much to Choconuts Roasting for having a way to get a beautiful coin on this song, ~Minja~ , Hannah ♫♥♫ and The Maestro, chuckster for the lovely awardicons and to all the many viewers (6,418) over the years.

Of course, chuckster inspired this with his awesome contest so a special moo-out to my amigo of many MOOns!