Poetic Referendum(s) On Life

Square Off/False Hostel

Let’s square off
You go first
Use your words
Call me on the phone
with three of your friends
Corner me and shame me
places I live
And I’ll respond,
“I’m sorry. Do I know you?”
With concern,
“I’m worried for you.
I sense your hands are clenched?”
Sit down with me.
Let’s talk it out.
What’s bothering you?”
My version of civility,
when I live
as public as a frog.
Don’t need to pace it off.
You have some notions.
Let me fill in the blanks
for you, so you’ll see
why I’ve been poking you.
If you don’t dialogue,
I have to wonder if you
own the guilt and shame.
Why can’t you just
say something, rather than emote
through actions, but no words?
I heard it for 17 years,
as each faceless one retreated.
Some sort of coalition
I had sought inclusion.
I have regrets, but
no forum to speak them.
My accusers went to the grave
one by one, replaced,
superseded one who erred
early on, tried contrition,
offer a hand, understand
the systemic nature of this,
an environment that must sustain.
Is it not going well? Could it be
you are angry at something else.
Look. It took me a long time
as a whipping boy to get a taste
of silence not lashes. Slow
as one with no social functions,
learned through negation
and how to model reaction.
But lose myself, dignity, identity?
What’s the cause? Secretive.
Uh-huh. And I’ve done you wrong,
somehow by playing silly games
rather than eyes on my own prize
when I realize what you’ve taken
from me. And if I don’t like it?
I’ll sit here and enjoy tea.
Repaint your faces, speak
falsely. I don’t care. I came to help.
I deserve what I get for blind trust.
So, square off, talk or back
the fuck off. Because, I’ve only
just begun learning your game.
I model behavior, good and bad.
Thanks for the inspiration,
I’ll not own your shame. Happy
to be out of whatever this is.
Not trying to get in the way.
I’ve erred somehow, but
get off my dick and I’ll stop
standing on your porch
looking through windows,
wonder when you’ll come out.
I’m not in hiding. You are.
Step out, speak. I’ll listen,
I’ll add contrition, if your argument
is fair. Some of you have
something at stake, won’t speak.
I feel you out best. The rest,
arrogant indifference. It’s okay.
I’ll absolve you all. I said,
I don’t care. But, you really
need to grow up. School yard
stuff. I hate to think how your
motivations have hurt others
seeking refuge in a false hostel.


10.23.23

I know you read my private stuff.
This - is - me - poking - you
Take the masks off. You’re afraid.