Perilous Thoughts

Taboo

My goodness! This man has asked me, practically begged me to be his woman. Against my better judgment and his jail and street record, I agreed. It's not that I was desperate for love, or a man either. It's just that I figured things would be all good since we've known each other for so long.

Ok, we did up a few times. Yeah, yeah. Gave up the goodies. Since this was a relationship that really is 'taboo' I don't think I could really get into sex with him. I figured things would calm down, I'd relax and we'd really get down. HA!

The problem? He claims to be a man. I've been single for quite a while. In lots of ways, that's good but there are the negatives to deal with; I'm used to doing things my way, when I want, how and how long. The down side was/is the limited conversation, single finances, and sex.

Well, of course, there are options and I indeed excercised them all too well. The conversations were met via socializing, chit-chats, conversations w/girlfriends...well, the sex part kinda speaks for itself, right? Lot's of late night phone chats w/friends or men I'd meet. Financially, I managed. There were lots of times that I went w/o just for the kid's sake, or even worse; did things that I could possibly regret one day (not right now though) Toys and imagination goes a long way, just in case you hadn't figured out how sex was improvised.

Ok, back to my new lover. He came to me with manly converstations. Delighted me with all the things he like about me and what he has to bring to this already established household and table. Fine, right?

Hell nawl! This fucker has yet to produce any of the things he claims he can or will. The only problem is, he thinks that he deserves to be sexually delighted, cooked for, soothed, clothes washed, massaged...you know, all the things a real man deserves. How fucking funny he is.

The other day he wanted sex. I was just too baffled when he asked me what was wrong. It was even more amazing to me that he was serious and really didn't understand. I figured I'd help him out as best I could by elucidating him, somewhat. This sort of conversation can get down right dirty if it's not handled with the tender care of a loving tongue, in which I really don't have, but thought tact was due here so I used some of that fake ass shit.

I explained to this man that I just didn't feel comfortable with having 'sex' during such stressful times. I had a check that was late, despite the fact that I'd already written the bill check out and submitted it. I had major, mega car problems and was threatened with loosing one of my main sources of income. Plus I had very little food since I'd spent most of my more recent checks on fixing the car in order to get to work. I was in quite a bind, but however, satisfied that at least my rent and a few major bills were paid.

Now, here he comes along and wants to have sex since I'm now his woman. Ok, fine. No problem since I love sex too. Well, of course we should be married in the first place, but dang, give me some time here.

It was February 13th that this man asked me to be his lady. He went to work that very evening, came back at the scheduled time second shifters get off and it was Valentine's Day eve. He didn't bring flowers and candy, no rose, no card. He just brought his dick that was hard. NO ROMANCE NOR ANY FINANCE EITHER! SEE THE PROBLEM?

Now, don't get me wrong here, cause I'm not superficial or anything, but as a man, aren't you supposed to bring something in order to get something? Or, was he simply stating to me his regard for women and giving me my warning signs very early in this lover's game?