Perilous Thoughts

Good Night

Last night I slept well. My ex-lover screwed the heavenly hell out of me but I woke up with a sad heart though. The ex-man that I 'think' I love was not there. Hmm. Confused? Me too. I thought it over and realized that it is indeed lust. However, the one I so lust for is certainly mentally challenged. He was raised in total dismay. He's accustomed to a party type of environment and find me and this calm organized household boring. No arguments, little chaos, no extra human bodies piled up all day from late night drinking...no drama w/mamma, nobody fucking somebody else's guy or girl or both. No orgies. Did I mention all the drugs? Yeah, his mom, aunts, uncles and friends use drugs. Not just weed. The kind that makes you sell body parts, lick stupid stuff, steal and possibly even kill for. Yeah, he's pretty screwed.

I tried to understand his position and love him anyway. Although he doen't do this drug (I don't think) he certainly has drug addict baby ways. It is true that we learn behavior. Too bad for both of us. He's gonna miss out on a good woman that loves and cares about him and I'll miss out on a potentially good man with a huge 8==========) Hell, I can't even type nor say the word without thinking of him and twitching out of control. LOL. That's bad. I'm his fiend.

Dang, this is beginning to sound boring to me. All we do around here is go to school and work. When we come home, either we chit-chat about our day, look at the news, maybe a program, and a little music occassionally. Hmm. Maybe my dismayed lover is right. We need a bit more action around here.

But, to me, if I want some action, especially like that, I can go and visit someone else. One problem, I don't even know anyone that has that kinda chaos in their lives. Hell, I guess me and my friends and family are too boring.

He sure aint boring when he's in my bedroom though. Good Lord! I want to marry him just based on that. Will I ever be cured of this lust running thru my veins for that man? It's been at least 7 years now and my urges are still strong for him, maybe even stronger since he's older with more skills now. Damm. I'm doomed. Guess I'll just go to sleep and dream those aquatic dreams speaking of him normally evokes just at the mention of his name, let alone actually discussing him. The silly part of it is, I can't wait to have one of those dreams. That beats not having him at all, I guess. So, Good NIGHT!