Mental Meanderings

Half in and half out of the world

Have you ever felt that strange sensation where you hear, and you see, and you feel but everything seems distant, false, ellusive? Today is a day like that. I'm here but I'm not here. My mind has wondered free of the moment but I don't know where it's gone to. I exist in the half way point between this moment and nothingness.

It's an eerie feeling and I don't like it. It makes me feel like I have less control over myself. Control is a very important factor for me. I'm a self-admitted control freak.

Today was a day for getting errands done. Joshua however didn't cooperate. For some reason he wanted to go down for his nap really early this morning and slept a long time. He obviously needed the sleep so I didn't begrudge him. He's still gone down on time tonight. Perhaps he's having a growth spurt.

I'm a little excited about Josh today actually. He's finally starting to consider talking. He's just over a year old and we've been concerned because he hasn't been making sounds or trying to speak. By one a child should have about three words in their vocabulary. Today he said what could almost be counted as a word except that I couldn't get him to repeat it while I was completely focused on him. "Bubba" or "Booba" (with a short monkey-like oo sound not a long oooo sound) I call him my Booba although I didn't realise I did it so often that it might be his first word.

I was kind of hoping for Mummy. Kaylie's first word was Daddy but since Daddy isn't around much and I'm able to spend the day saying, "Say Mummy, Josh, say Mummy." I thought the super-repetition of the word would encourage him to say it. Not so far, but perhaps soon.

Kaylie was really good today. Both last night and tonight she's eaten all her dinner. That is an astonishing accomplishment. She's had bad teeth since she was about a year old and in January she had surgery to remove 9 of them. She'd never eaten much but since having her teeth fixed up her appetite has improved a great deal. Not only is she eating more but she's also willing to explore new foods more freely now. Overall she's coming along beautifully.

And for the obligatory mention of my writing progress. Things are coming along nicely. The Kangaroo feeding scene worked well and I'm pleased with the Zoo trip to date. Tomorrow's 20 involves lunch and if I get to it the carousel ride. It might just be lunch since I can finally get Emma and Jake talking more specifically rather than interacting without much speach.

Perhaps I could have Emma ask Jake about himself and kids, why doesn't he have a family comes quickly to mind but Emma is perhaps a little too reserved to come right out at the issue like that. More likely she'll ask if he's had much experience with kids, does his brothers/sisters have any etc. But I'll guess we'll see where Emma and Jake take that conversation tomorrow. In the company of two young children it won't go far but it's a definately turning point in the novel since it is a milestone development of their relationship.

Meanwhile, it's getting late and I should be getting off the computer. Much as I enjoy the peace and quiet this time of night is reserved for other things (like housework, a chance to get the house tidy and have it stay that way for a few hours while the kids are asleep).