The Warrior

Chapter eleven

         Chapter twelve

         Marissa woke to the soft stroking of something wet across her lips. Shortly after, the tangy taste of narang juice penetrated her mouth. Confused, she forced her sleepy eyes to open, and peered right into Kay’s smiling face. He held a piece of narang to her lips, and she opened her mouth slightly, catching the juicy fruit between her teeth. Her eyes fluttered shut again while she chewed, and with a contented sigh she drifted back to sleep.
         A feather-light, tickling caress along her arm woke her again. She tried to pull away and go back to sleep, but found that she couldn’t move. Her hands were stretched above her head, and when she tried to tug at them, but broad bands around her wrists held them tightly in place. Alarmed, she opened her eyes, only to find Kay looking at her with a blank expression on his face. Immediately she relaxed and smiled up at him.
         “You are not afraid?” His voice was carefully void of emotion.
         “Of course not. You’re here.” She tried to convey the complete faith she had in him with her eyes, and was rewarded by a slight twitch of his lips. Not exactly a smile, but he looked like he was thinking about it.
         She settled back on the bed, waiting for his next move. She noticed that the blankets under her were new, soft and smooth against her skin. Hiding a smile, she looked around the tent. The interior had changed quite a bit since she first arrived. The table and chairs were still there, as was a screen so she could have some privacy whenever she needed it. In a camp full of men, privacy was a precious commodity, and she’d almost been in tears when she first saw it. Her favourite new items though, were the two beautifully carved wooden chests, lining the wall. They’d waited in the tent one day when she came back from a walk around the camp with Kay. When he saw them, he grabbed her saddlebags without a word, and swiftly moved her things into the chests. She’d had so little with her, that it didn’t begin to fill up the roomy containers, but by now they were almost full. Every day new things appeared inside. Exotic spices, beautiful lengths of fabric, a set of silver handled brushes for her hairs, a pair of combs shaped like butterflies and decorated with precious stones, small silk bags filled with pleasantly scented herbs…
         Every day she tried to catch Kay in the act of leaving the gifts, but she had yet to manage it. He acted with complete innocence, so she could never express how much she appreciated them, at least not in words. Instead she showered him with smiles and laughter, sharing her happiness. He always watched her, and noticed the things that brought her joy. He saw how much she liked the narang fruit the first time she tasted them, so now he made sure there was a basket full in their tent every night when they made camp. He knew she liked to sleep late, so he let her sleep in while he oversaw the breaking of the camp, leaving their tent for absolute last. She loved lying in bed, hearing him yell at the soldiers for being too loud.
         She tried to return the favour, to watch him and find out what made him happy, but he only smiled around her. Around the other soldiers, even around Rodrick, he was distant and cold, the perfect warrior. The realization that what made him happy was her being happy, was both scary and overwhelming. Holding the key to another person’s happiness was more than she’d ever asked for, or even wanted. She tried to open her heart and let him see the world, and more importantly, to see himself through her eyes, but it was difficult to be so open with someone so guarded.
         He smiled more easily now than when they first met, but there was still a hesitation in him, as if he was waiting for her to retreat, to pull away from him in fear or repulsion. Over the past few weeks, he’d proven to be a generous, but domineering lover. He’d brought her to the height of pleasure and beyond more times than she could count, yet he still held back, not wanting to scare her with the darker sides of his needs and desires.
         He leaned close, searching her expression for any sign of alarm or doubt.
         “Tell me to stop, and I will.” He stroked the sensitive skin under her arms with his fingertips. The caress tickled and teased her sensitive nerve endings and sent shivers down her spine.
         “I know that.” She met his blue eyes with her own, and saw the lingering indecision there, his fear that this time he would push her too far, and drive her away.
With a silent sigh of defeat, she lowered her very last guards, and let her eyes show the secret she’d kept hidden, even from herself.
         She loved him. The knowledge swept through her, and she knew he couldn’t help but see it. The feeling, once she allowed herself to acknowledge it, was so strong, it practically radiated off her.
         His eyes opened in wonder, and then darkened in possessive voracity. A growl rose from his throat, the sound only remotely human. He burrowed his head into the side of her neck, finding the spot where her pulse beat fast but steady. His teeth bit down, trapping the flesh in his mouth and he sucked hard. The stinging pain shot through her body and she cried out. At once he released her, and lapped the sore spot with his tongue, making soothing noises in the back of his throat.
         “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting it. I’m fine now, really.” She was furious with herself. She’d asked him to trust her enough to let go of his control, yet just a few seconds later she forced him to pull back. She was stronger than this, by Lagoe! She had to be stronger if she was to keep up with him.
         “Don’t ever apologize to me over an honest reaction, Marissa. I need to be able to trust you to let me know when I go too far, when you need me to pull back. Your pleasure is my pleasure, and though I am willing to explore your boundaries, in the end I would rather cut off my privates than cause you any real pain.”
         He looked at her with such a serious expression, a stern wrinkle creasing his forehead, yet the soft caress of his thumb across her collarbone belied his grave countenance. She could feel her heart melting in her chest, and all at once she began to cry.


         Kay tried not to panic as tears started running down Marissa’s face. A quick examination of her body showed no physical injury beyond the red mark on her throat, and he didn’t think that could hurt enough to warranty such a reaction. He tried to think about what he had said to her, could he have hurt her with his words? He didn’t think so, but he remembered the King’s favourite comment when it came to women: “They are a different breed, so do not try to understand their reactions. Simply follow this simple rule: When in doubt, apologize!”
         He reached up and untied her hands, then gathered her to him in a gentle embrace. She snuggled against his chest as if she belonged there, and for a few precious moments he allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of having her so close. Then she started trembling as great sobs racked through her body, and rocked her from side to side as he had seen mothers do with crying infants, while stroking her hair with a big, callused hand.
         “Marissa, please don’t cry. I don’t know what I did or said, but I am so very sorry, and I will do whatever it takes to make it right, if you would just please stop crying.”
         His words didn’t seem to help, if anything she cried harder now, but she wasn’t pulling away so he hugged her close and caressed her hair and back, praying that she would calm down soon. He didn’t know what to do, and this feeling of helplessness was as unusual as it was unpleasant. No dragons had been seen in Albion for almost a hundred years, but if it could ease her suffering, he would scour the land until he found one, and slay it like a knight of old. The sight of Marissa’s tears made him want to kill something or someone. She should never be in pain, never be sad or lonely, never be anything but perfectly happy and content.
         He loved her. She was his mate, and perhaps this was the way she would bring him into the light, by making him care more about her than himself. He didn’t know, all he knew was that he would do anything, absolutely anything, to make her happy.
         Even let her go.
         The thought alone made him clutch her more firmly to his chest, and the mating-pryd hummed with energy, tickling his skin as it came into contact with her. He felt torn in two, his every instinct cried out to tie her to him with any means necessary, yet his heart demanded that he let her go if that would ensure her happiness.
         They were less than a week’s travel from the capitol. It was time they had a long talk about their relationship. He needed to know her thoughts on the matter, and he didn’t think he could wait much longer for answers.
         Having made that decision he felt marginally better, though Marissa still trembled in his arms. He buried his face in her blonde curls and, calling himself eight different kinds of pathetic, breathed in her scent and once again allowed himself to savour the feeling of holding her close.


         “Do you want to talk about it?”
         Kay’s voice vibrated through his chest, tickling Marissa’s ear where it nestled snug against his skin. She was no longer crying, but her head swam with confusing thoughts and emotions.
         “I am sorry for falling apart like that.”
         “I told you…”
         “I know, don’t apologize over an honest reaction.” She smiled and pressed a kiss against his throat. “I know we need to talk, but could we cuddle a bit more first?”
         “Is that what we’re doing?”
         “Yes. Cuddling and snuggling.”
         “Oh no. Though I’ve never done it before, I can live with a certain amount of cuddling, but I refuse to snuggle. Real men do not snuggle!”
         Marissa laughed at the conviction in his voice, and snuggled closer with a mischievous grin. She felt torn between embarrassment, sorrow and a giddy sense of freedom.
         “You know, I remember the day I decided I would become a Priestess. My mother was very devoted to Lagoe, and all through my childhood she would tell me stories about the Goddess. I was too young to understand the deeper meanings behind the stories, but I loved the time we spent together. It was so peaceful, and she made me feel so safe, so loved. I wanted to be just like her.
         When she died I was so lost, so hurt. During the burial rites I couldn’t bring myself to think that this was my final goodbye to my mother. Instead I focused all my attention on the Priestess. She was so beautiful, so poised and peaceful. So far removed from the chaos inside me. I remember thinking that if I became a Priestess; I could be like that too. No longer Marissa, a girl without a mother, but a part of something greater, something important and worthy.”
         She drew a deep breath, thinking back on that day. The sun had been shining, the trees danced in the soft breeze and birds sang as if nothing had changed, as if her world hadn’t just fallen apart. She’s been so angry with her mother for leaving her, and ashamed for feeling that way. Her father tried to be strong for her, but she knew he was hurting, and tried to protect him by not showing how completely shattered she felt.
         She was grateful that Kay didn’t comment. He simply stroked her back in slow, caressing circles, while placing a sweet kiss on her head and waiting for her to continue.
         “That’s not a very good reason for becoming a Priestess, is it? No calling or strong faith, simply an inability to deal with the reality of loss. I knew it then, and I know it now. But it was what prompted me to take the stories my mother had told me more seriously. I started going to Temple regularly, learning more about Lagoe, and soon my mother’s faith became my own. When it was time to take my vows as an Apprentice, I truly believed it was my calling to become a Priestess.” She turned to face Kay. He met her eyes with a blank face, listening attentively but not betraying his own thoughts. It was a long time since he’d shielded his thoughts from her in such a way. She wished he would let her know what he thought; it would make what she was about to say much easier. Swallowing hard, she took a leap of faith.
         “I no longer believe that. I believe Lagoe guided my steps all along, and they led to this place at this time. She knew what She was doing. I love you, Kay Hir. You are my true calling.”


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