Sandy Supposes....

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

PROMPT: Motivational Monday! My mother, born on this day back in 1954, once told me when I was young, "It doesn't matter what you do when you grow up; just make me proud." What's the best piece of advice your mother (or other strong female presence in your life) has given you?

         Ah, Mom... She's been gone for almost two years now, but her lessons still resonate. I still remember being told to sit up straight, stop slouching, don't fidget, mind your p's and q's, say please and thank you, smile, try your best, and never give up. Mom was more of a "do as I say, not as I do" sort of parent, but ultimately it's more her example I followed. Eventually, I reached the age when "because I told you so that's why" didn't quite cut it any more. Her actions spoke louder than words.

          Throughout a marriage that imploded in a divorce, Mom maintained her own personal bank account. She managed funds that were hers to save or spend as she sought fit. Money was never knotted completely within a partnership. After the end of her marriage, Mom wasn't left ignorant of finances. I followed her lead, and to this day, I still keep a bank account separate from the joint one my hubby and I share.

          Mom knew how to rub two pennies together. She was the ultimate penny-pincher. Bargain shopping, and purchasing items on sale in bulk, served her well. The moment Christmas faded into scraps of torn gift wrap, Mom was plotting the next year's festivities. In her bedroom closet, the gift bin held and collected goodies all year long. The freezer gradually filled with baking. Now I do not plan Christmas as a year long campaign, but I do grocery shop in bulk and keep an eye on sales. Mom never felt ashamed , or too superior to buy clothing from church rummage sales either. It only had to be serviceable for her to wear it. Nowadays, we refer to this as vintage clothing deals.

          During her lifetime, Mom fed a voracious reading appetite. Yes, television had its allure, but reading really appealed to her. It entertained and taught my Mother. I couldn't help but notice this, and I too love reading.

         Rarely, did Mom indulge in tears. I believe she thought of crying as self-indulgent, self-pity. Weeping and moaning were a waste of time. Soldier on. Set that stiff upper lip. Carry on. Nothing is that bad. Grin and bear it. Mom endured pain, both emotional and physical, but it never defeated or diminished her. I attempt to emulate this.

          Just for fun, I researched the sage advice of famous cartoon Moms. They are perhaps influencing an entire generation of television viewers, episode after episode. Marge Simpson delivers the following wisdom: "Listen to your mother kids. Aim low. Aim so low no one will even care if you succeed." Ah, in other words, do not hope, or raise your expectations just in case you fail. If you do manage somehow to succeed, play it low key, and do not draw any undue attention to yourself. She was cheering for mediocrity. Another Marge pearl is this: "Honey, you could be popular. You've just got to be yourself. In a whole new way." Is she saying the truth hurts?

          Lois, the Mom from 'The Family Guy', is equally positive and supportive. "The secret to happiness is burying all your true feelings and living a life of bland compromise." Give up? Surrender? "Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?" Fake it 'til you feel it? "You shouldn't have to do porn to feel appreciated." Oh, Lois, you are indeed wise.