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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dannoden
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7 Public Reviews Given
91 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by dannoden
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all, I would like to address the two mistakes I found.....to get that over with. In one line you say "tracks of dough"....that should be "tracks of doe". Later, you say, "as their branches pile with snow". I think this would read better as "and their branches piled with snow".

I really dont know that much about poetry, but I have always felt that it doesnt necessarily have to be perfect to be well written. What is MOST important is whether or not you have succeeded in capturing the readers attention and imagination. In this, I believe you have succeeded here. I myself have always felt an abiding love for nature, and many times in my life I have done exactly what the man in this poem is doing, to clear the clutter from my head. It is amazing how sometimes communing with nature can give you answers to questions you havent even asked yourself yet. Many times I have sat in a place like that in the poem, letting my mind clear, and suddenly questions that seemed to have no answer became clear, without my even asking the question. That is what I thought this poem was about, and I think you did a good job, though I think that some others will find fault with your rhyme and meter. Ignore them....I think that the people you were trying to reach with this work will get the message. It displays depth and simplicity at the same time (no mean feat), and I hope you will write some more poems like this one. Thanx.
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Review of DIFFERENT PEOPLE  
Review by dannoden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I absolutely loved this poem. It is obvious that you spent your time in prison in deep contemplation, about many things. Personally, I think this speaks well for you. I have no idea what you did to end up in prison, but I see that you have spent much time trying to consider life, not only from your own perspective, but from that of others as well. That in itself says to me that you feel remorse for your actions. To me, it proves that you deserve to be back in the world again. I am also impressed by the fact that you could produce such work on the day of your release from a world of futility, hopelessness and strife. Very good job! I truly hope that you are able to find an opportunity to begin again. Good Luck.

The only real suggestion I have concerns the very last line of the poem. You say, "Just who we are and what we're all about". I think you should consider changing that to "Just who we are and what we are about". The only reason I suggest this is because the second version would seem to fit the flow of the poem better. It is, however, your work and I have no desire to tamper with that. Please do as you see fit.
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