Cancer

I awoke surrounded by my family and friends. I should have been happy to see them, but as horrible as it sounds I wasn’t. I knew why they were there. I had been given six months to live. I have had four surgeries so far to remove my chronic brain tumor, but my most recent tumor can’t be removed. It is too late and its too big. I should be dead, and I wish I was. Goodbyes. That’s why they’re here, but nobody will say it. I wish they would. It would make things easier.
“Could you get me a drink please?” I murmured, almost slurred actually, to my sister. She looked at me with her constantly misty eyes and nodded. As she left the room she looked back, as if I might die right at that instant. She finally exited the room and as she did I summoned the rest of my family closer. I didn’t want her to hear what I was about to say. “I know I’m going to die”. That’s what I wanted to say, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. So many emotions were reflected in their eyes. I saw everything from regret to hope and even total dread. It hurt me, but I knew that it would hurt them more if I said it. I wanted to leave on good terms. And as much as I didn’t want to, I spoke to them about everything and anything, except the future that is. It was too painful. I knew I wouldn’t be there to see my sister grow up, or my friends or my family change and grow overtime. We talked for hours and in the end I was glad I did. I said goodbye to all of them. For them it wasn’t a final goodbye. For me it was. I knew I was going to die from the beginning,, but the extra time was nice. They all left except my mother, father and sister. My father and mother were in the opposite hospital bed. My sister was in the same bed as me. I died in her arms with no regrets. I died peacefully.