Chapter 16

As I walk in the front door I kick off my shoes and push them
to the side and I greet Brandi as I always do. Well I have
made it through Wednesday, only 2 more days and it is the
weekend. I just can't believe how much I can still look
forward to a weekend even when I don't normally have plans to
look forward to, not like most people my age do. Oh well I
can still look forward to being able to sleep in later and
have time to do what I want and do it when I want to. I don’t
have anyone that I need to answer to or ask anyone’s
permission, only Brandi. I think having no one to bitch at
me to do this or do that is the best part of being alone and
only having my fur baby to answer to. But then again, I answer
to her all the time when she wants something, but at least she
never bitches at me or calls me names. Either way it is nice,
even though at times see does get angry at me and as I walk
away from her she will attach my feet and ankles but never
scratches or bites me, well doesn’t bite too hard.
I hang my purse on one of my kitchen chairs as I dig out my
phone, so I can plug it in. I walk over to the sink and wash
my hands, I decided I am going to make spaghetti for dinner
tonight with some homemade garlic bread. I just feel like
making a simple dinner tonight, I am just in a lazy mood and
want to take it easy.
My mind is brought back to Warren, talking about him today
made me think about what my next step is going to be with him
and this little game he is playing with me. I was tossing
options around in my head all day today, thinking do I text
him back telling him I am free, or should I text him back and
tell him I'm not free. Then I thought maybe I shouldn’t text
the big jerk at all, and just completely forget about him.
It is just that I don't want to be made an ass out of, but I
don't want to fuck this up if there is really a chance that
this isn’t a game and I was just finally lucky enough to meet
a great guy, that has amazing looks as a bonus. I just don't
know what to do and dealing with the enemy that is constantly

belittling me and saying I am just an ass for even considering
that there is a chance in hell doesn’t help me any.
I feel like it is my birthday and I get my cake with the
candles to make a wish and along comes the bully and blows
them out before I have the chance. That is how I feel when it
comes to me having a little glimmer of hope inside my head.
He just makes sure to crush that thought immediately.
Plus being hurt so many fucking times and being shattered
doesn’t help any either. I still have not been able to get my
pieces back together yet, and it scares me to think that if I
take a chance on a man that I will shatter the rest of what I
have that is whole. I think back to the numerous times that I
have been made a fool out of, taken advantage of and all the
other wonderful events that had happened to me, and try to
think hell what’s one more time heartbreak. I mean seriously
I survived all the bullshit that was thrown at me, I am sure I
can survive this one too if it turns out bad.
But for some reason there is still something different that I
felt with Warren and I just can't seem to understand it. The
best way I can explain it is like there is something familiar
that I feel about him, and that electrical, tingling feeling I
got when he touched me. Almost like I feel like I have known
him before, or even was in a relationship with him in the
past. I know I haven’t been but it’s like it feels familiar.
It's probably just me and my wishful thinking because he is
just so fucking fine, and I am that hard up to have a man
touch me and that is what caused all those odd sensations.
I cook up my dinner while listening to the television shows
that I flipped on. Every time that I watch these shows it
never seizes to amaze me that all these people snapped or if
they are just mentally unhealthy and have the need to kill
people. The scary part is when you think about it this stuff
is still happening, and it makes me wonder how many people we
pass throughout a day who have maybe committed crimes like
that and have just never been caught.

It's terrifying, especially to think that you may be unlucky
enough to pass one of these people on any given day and moment
and they just off you without blinking an eye. It’s like So
many people have no conscience, then you have me who probably
has enough to share with a million people and still end up
having a healthy dose left for myself.