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My blog, where I store those thoughts rattling around my brain |
| The darkest teachers I ever had weren't found in schools or universities. They didn't practice any formal education, couldn't lecture on complex themes and certainly had no idea what existed beyond their small corner of the universe. But what these people taught, they taught well. It's one thing to be book smart and intelligent, but that will only get you so far in a world of crumbling concrete and watchful eyes. What you need is cunning, savvy knowledge. How to walk, what to say, where to go, who to watch out for. But this all pales next to the most sinister language of all, the one spoken with wordless exchanges and furtive glances. Whispers done in private, chemicals dissolving on tongues, vaporized in smoke, injected in veins and falling into stupors as reality washes away and the blessed numbness returns with full force, just a little weaker than the last time. My shadowy guides led me where I could drown out the pain of existence. But they didn't warn me of hollow need that would replace it, emptying out all other emotions except for greed and sorrow. They showed me how to survive but not how to live. It isn't life. It's a wretched pilgrimage to the shrine of ecstasy, praying for sweet release and discovering it never lasts as long as you'd like and leaves you feeling twice as worse. Eventually the cycle was too much. The never ending spiral descended too deep, long past the point of no return. I didn't see anything in that abyss, no hope, no wishes, no comforting light at the end of the tunnel. I was alone with my thoughts. Used up. Worn out. Emotionally and physically exhausted, at the frayed end of my rope. All those teachers taught me was how to feed my demons, fueling self-hatred until it was too strong for me to overcome. So I didn't. If I was a star pupil, I wouldn't be here right now. I often wonder where that path would have led, what would have awaited me at the end of that journey. But this road took me here today and for that I am grateful. Blog Challenge Day 24: In a previous prompt, I asked you to write about your best, or favorite teacher. Tonight write about your darkest teacher. |
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