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 |    Not for the faint of art. |
This one from Mental Floss reminds us of our mortality. The article is a couple of years old, but I'm sure the subjects remain deceased. I did a similar entry a few years ago: "Inevitable"  . And I Revisited that one just a few weeks ago: "Revisied: "Inevitable"" Authors are used to killing their darlings and that sometimes means offing characters in creatively unconventional ways. Non-authors, too, die on a predictably regular basis. But when they die in a weird way, it's usually not irony. 1. Sherwood Anderson As far as I know, I've never read anything by this author, so now the manner of his death is the only thing I know about him. An autopsy revealed the culprit to be a 3-inch-long wooden toothpick in an olive that the author had swallowed while enjoying a martini. Having imbibed more than my share of martinis (which, incidentally, have to contain gin and vermouth and an olive garnish, otherwise it's not a martini), I can say with some certainty that one would need to imbibe a whole hell of a lot of them to not notice a 3-inch toothpick entering one's digestive system. So many, in fact, that it's not the toothpick that I'd be worried about. 2. Aeschylus Oh, we're going old-school now. This one was in the earlier entry, though at the time I apparently accepted the story at face value. According to writer Valerius Maximus, Aeschylus was hit by a falling tortoise while sitting outside Sicily’s city walls: “An eagle carrying a tortoise was above him. Deceived by the gleam of his hairless skull, it dashed the tortoise against it, as though it were a stone, in order to feed on the flesh of the broken animal.” The truth may be stranger than fiction, but that particular story has all the hallmarks of being, well... fiction. 3. Gustav Kobbé Music critic and author Gustav Kobbé loved to sail, but the hobby led to his death. Whereas with most music critics, pissing off musicians is what does them in. 4. Margaret Wise Brown In 1952, Goodnight Moon (1947) author Margaret Wise Brown was in France on a publicity tour when she developed appendicitis and was taken to the hospital for emergency surgery. As the article notes, it wasn't the appendicitis that killed her. Not directly, anyway. 5. Tennessee Williams Dr. Annette J. Saddik, Distinguished Professor of Theatre and Literature at the City University of New York, explained in 2010 that the false cause of death was due to John Uecker, Williams’s assistant, telling “the Medical Examiner, ‘Look, people are going to think it’s suicide or AIDS or something bizarre and we don't know what happened.’ So the Medical Examiner, said, ‘OK, he choked on a bottle cap.’” A rare case of fiction being stranger than truth. In any case, I think the last article of this sort that I featured also brought up Williams, but apparently, the "bottle cap" story was taken as true, there. 6. Pietro Aretino Pietro Aretino was an Italian satirist, playwright, and poet, who is credited with inventing written pornography. Say what, now? It's a near-certainty that as soon as writing was invented, someone used it to make porn. In any case, as with the ancient Greek above (and some of the others here), the story of his death is questionable. 7. Sir Thomas Urquhart The Scottish writer and translator died in 1660, supposedly because the news that Charles II... had retaken the throne caused him to burst into a fit of joyful, but deadly, giggles. Look, if you're going to claim these are true death stories, at least make them true death stories. 8. Edgar Allan Poe I want to say "we all know this one," but there's always someone learning something for the first time. In this case, you'll just have to check out the link. Or read the earlier entry. Or look up his Wiki page. The circumstances surrounding his death were mysterious, but well-reported. 9. Sir Fulke Greville Dying on the toilet isn’t the most dignified way to go, and though Elizabethan poet and dramatist Sir Fulke Greville managed to avoid that fate, the toilet certainly played a part in his death. Eh, that's a stretch. 10. Mark Twain Another really famous one, and as far as I know, well-documented. I remember as a kid being told about this, and thinking, "What a shame that he never got to see the comet," though he might have seen it before he died; I don't know. In any case, I couldn't see it when it swung through in 1986, so I know I'll never see it. 11. Molière Legend often has it that Molière died onstage, but that’s not actually true. Yeah, and I wonder about some of these others. Some of Molière’s lines as Argan were eerily prophetic of his imminent demise. Look, if you talk about death, and then die, it's not all that prophetic. Everyone dies, and lots of people talk about it beforehand. 12. Dan Andersson On September 16, 1920, Swedish author and poet Dan Andersson checked in to the Hotel Hellman in Stockholm, settling in Room 11. And this is why we don't have "Hell" in the name of hotels today. 13. Francis Bacon The only ironic death I would have accepted here would be "fried on a stove." The actual story, if true, does involve food, though. And science. There's a deep human curiosity to know how someone died. I can understand that; most of us want to know if it's something we should avoid. Failing to avoid a particular method of demise, however, should definitely warrant internet fame. |
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