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| Prologue Kyra tossed and turned then went downstairs, fixed a cup of hot chamomile tea to sooth her nerves and lull her into dreams. She knew it would not work………it never did. She sat in the dark living room but even the pitch of the room was of no comfort to her. She turned on the television, CNN came on and she changed the channel. Paused on one of those home shopping channels. The item being presented caught her eye and she dreamt of her man giving it to her as a birthday gift but that would never happen, after all she was single…………STILL! Even now, at times, she still heard her mother’s words as she dreamt out loud, depression set in and with it came the guilt and anger her words evoked in her. Kyra’s mother wanted grandchildren, like her friend who already had four. She felt guilty for not being able to give her mother the legacy she had always dreamt of, but then they would not truly be her legacy. She was not her biological mother. At times like this she contemplated taking her own life. But she was not that weak willed to actually do it. Though the relief it offered was tempting, she could never be such a coward. Over the years, they had destroyed something inside her… leaving her with a feeling of helplessness, like she had no future and no right to hope of anything more what she had at present. She believed she was not meant to be in love or be loved. That was the pipe dream of a child. It had left this huge hole inside her… a vast void of nothingness that slowly devoured her from the inside out and try as she might she just could not fill the emptiness. There was no one of significance, in her life, that she felt comfortable with. It angered her to think she would never even have the opportunity, but most of all it hurt her deep inside to see how much it hurt her mother. She knew it was not her fault. People… men in particular, had told her time again that she was beautiful but they just said that to get her in bed. She was right, for the most part but there were a few nice ones in the bunch………though they never stuck it out. They saw her as damaged goods, and the rope tying them down to a burden they did not want. She attributed it to their blindness and instinctively knew it would never be hers. The dream remained just that…………..a dream. Tonight she was especially disturbed by these feelings, being she had fallen in love. The man she had fallen for was “the one”. She saw it when she looked his eyes and felt it, like a warm blanket being wrapped around her. The next morning, he left her with the promise of something more. She had hoped he’d make a quick return but that was not the case and she knew it. His career came first in his heart, she knew and respected that, after all she felt the same about her writing. |
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